10.23.2006

Reading Fees

After long and careful deliberation, I've decided to start charging reading fees.
Each query cost $75.

Given that will probably reduce the number of queries by half, I figure we'll get 50 a week.
(Abacus Snark presents calculator tape showing $75 x 50 = $3750)

Deducting for pizza and beer, figure we'll have $3000 to spread among the readers.
Here's how we'll divvy up the pot;

If the query you're reading says X, you'll get Y.

X1. I'm writing to let you know I've finished my novel and I'm seeking representation
Y1: $1


X2. My childhood was Dickensian, so I've written a memoir to spare everyone who might be thinking of enslaving children as chimney sweeps
Y2: $1

X3. I've been published before but I'll spare you the sordid details
Y3: $2


X4. I've never been published before but I've recently retired and thought I'd take up fiction novel writing since everyone loved my 17K word Christmas letters
Y4: $17

X5. I've read your website carefully (and letter is sent to wrong address)
Y5: $5

X6. I've sent three chapters and a synopsis because that's what most agents ask for
Y6: $5


X7. Your secret is safe with me
Y7: $5

X8. Famous Writer insisted I use his name when pitching my novel
Y8: $10
Y8a: $20 (if the famous writer is known to no one in the room)
Y8.b: $40 (if the famous writer is published by AuthorHouse)

X9. Let me know right away whether you want to see more because I have a list of other agents to send this to
Y9: $10

X10. The manuscript is available in word perfect, times new roman 12 point, and I can fax, email or fed ex a copy to you
Y10: $10


We're taking applications for readers:

1. Name
2. Number of queries you've sent
3. Number of nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly
4. Number of nitwitteries you've committed knowingly
5. Number of fiction novels you've written
6. Number of fiction novels you've read
7. Number of angels on a pinhead
8. Are you allergic to dogs?
9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg?
10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment?

53 comments:

writtenwyrdd said...

I'll answer the only pertinent question:
#10. Drenched with coffee.

How funny. Can you share what nitwittery set you off this morning?

Nick said...

This is going to be fun.

1. Nick
2. Too many, yet not enough.
3. How would I know what I'd committed unknowingly?
4. I'm still a few shy of committing all of them.
5. I only write non-fiction novels.
6. Almost finished with Pride and Prejudice, War and Peace, and The Cat in the Hat.
7. 31,415,926
8. No. Dogs are allergic to me, though.
9. I kicked the chihuahua off, but I think it's in my better interest to let the rottweiler finish.
10. Covered in strange stains, but I've gotten really good at typing with one hand.

Damn, I love this web log.

-Nick

Chumplet said...

1. Chumplet
2. 50
3. 48
4. 2
5. None, they're novels
6. None, they're novels
7. 10,000. Or maybe 1. Why would they be on the head of a pin, anyway?
8. No
9. No, but my cat is
10. Wrapped in Saran Wrap

Bernita said...

1. Bernita.
2. Seven.
3. Two and one half - in hindsight.
4. One half. Maybe.
5. Four...er..."fiction novels"....Ha.
6. Thousands, including some non-fiction novels.
7. How come pinheads get all the angels?
8. No.
9. No.
100. It's new. I learned.

Simon Haynes said...

1. Simon or 'hey you'
2. Three
3. One
4. None
5. Hah
6. Double hah
7. Is this a trick question?
8. Only when they have an MS for me to look at.
9. Only when they want a referral to my agent.
10. Brand spanking new with coffee splatter.

Bonnie Shimko said...

#X4 made me laugh because it's what I did. After I retired, I decided to take up "fiction novel writing." Nobody loved anything I'd written before. I just didn't have anything else to do.

Gerri said...

1. Gerri
2. Lost track.
3. Uhhh...if I don't know, how can I count them?
4. Do we have to talk about those?
5. Well, considering that when you parse out the meaning of words, the word fiction is implied it the word novel since fiction is a larger category that includes one form which is the novel...what was the question again?
6. Well, I've been reading since I two. I'm sure somewhere in there I've stumbled across a fiction novel or two. But mostly, I've restricted my reading to novels. I'm 37, which means I've been reading for 35 years, and given that at one point in sixth grade I had over 100 books checked out of the school library, I'd say quite a few. Oh, did I mention I'm a writer and constitutionally incapable of giving short answers to most questions?
7. How many do you want? I'm sure I can cram a couple more on there and still keep within word count...errr...on the pin head.
8. Nope. Comes from living on a farm in my youth. We weren't allowed allergies.
9. Given how much hair is on my legs, more than likely. They probably would mistake them for another dog.
10. Dirty.

BitchySmurf said...

I think you'd need more than $3,000 a week to cover those expenses.

1. Emily
2. 0
3. Gazillion + 1
4. 0
5. 0
6. Gazillion
7. 1
8. No!
9. No!
10. Soda-free! I wasn't drinking any!

spongey437 said...

1. Just call me "Hey You", that's what my wife does
2. not enough
3. too many
4. just the right amount
5. just one
6. probably more than one
7. going to go with none on this, they are probably too busy trying to clean up after the nitwits of the world
8. nope, but I am allergic to cats
9. depends on the dog
10. in air - midflight towards the window after my computer crashed yet another time today

Julie Leto said...

1. Julie
2. Don't know...ask my agent.
3. Maybe one. We all screw up once.
4. None that I'll admit to.
5. Hah. Trick question.
6. Again, not falling for it.
7. I think angels have better things to do than hang around with pinheads.
8. Absolutely not.
9. Thankfully, my dog is female and straight.
10. Damp.

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

1. Name: Clooney-photo-pimp
3. Nitwitteries comminted unknowingly? 0
8. Are you allergic to dogs? Only the kind with dandruff
9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg? Only when I don't shave.
10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment? About to be sent off to another cleaning.

~Nancy said...

1. JerseyGirl
2. Ain't at that point yet
3. Probably thousands; who knows?
4. None; although there could be plenty if I said something in my subconscious (but how would I know?)
5. Four
6. Gads - hundreds
7. Me not know (wow, talk about a theme in my comment, eh?)
8. I've got 2 biggin's at home - what do you think? :-) (Although the dirt they track in drives me nuts.)
9. Yes (they're both male ;-))
10. Dry - you got a problem wit' that? ;-)

Fun, fun, fun! Thanks, Miss Snark.

Ray Goldensundrop said...

1 - It's up there
2 - Between a lot and a bunch
3 - Between one too many and a crapload
4 - None that I'm aware of
5 - One novel with lots of fictions and two books without any
6 - People keep track of this?
7 - As many as will fit, but they have to be dancing as if God isn't looking
8 - Yes and no, depends if I really want to leave
9 - I don't think it's my particular set of legs
10 - Worn and a little greasy, but mostly black and horizontal with active lights, somewhat under-appreciated

Malia said...

Just skipping to #10 -- disgusting.

Ryan Field said...

There goes another keyboard.

Deirdre said...

1. Deirdre
2. A gazillion
3. Impossible to answer. Knowing how many nitwitteries I've unknowingly committed is an oxymoron. Or a conundrum. Or a paradox. Something like that. But I'm guessing it's in the neighborhood of at least half a gazillion (see Question #2).
4. None. Honest!
5. Is this a trick question? All of them.
6. See Question #5.
7. One. (She's a really really fat angel.)
8. No, thank dog.
9. Only if I stand still too long.
10. Dry but slightly sticky; crumbs stuck between the g and the hhhhhhhhh.

Anonymous said...

Nick said...

10. Covered in strange stains, but I've gotten really good at typing with one hand.


I know those George Clooney picks really spice up the blog, but try to keep your pants on, man.

tygacat said...

1.)Joshua
2.) 1
3.) a couple, probably
4.) 1
5.) I have yet to actually finish one of my -novels-. (1 guess as to what the nitwitery was).
6.) I never counted how many -novels- I've read.
7.) How big of a pin?
8.) No.
9.) Occasionally.
10.) Proper working order. (They don't allow drinks in the lab I'm typing this in.)

ORION said...

1. roino. No. oroin. Wait. Orion. Yes that's it.
8. Too numerous to count.
72. Too numerous to count.
12. I only know about those my husband is kind enough to point out.
3. I only write untrue, not based on fact, highly unlikely fiction novels loosely based on my life using everybody's real names.
27. Do the backs of cereal boxes count?
4. I think there is a right angel and maybe a 40 degree one.
89. Ahhhchoo!
10. Is that what that was!
120. What keyboard?

Kim said...

Ok - here goes nothin'!

1. Kim
2. more than I care to think about
3. how do I know if I've done it unknowingly? do you mean in hindsight? Damn - this is one, isn't it? *sighs*
4. If nobody saw it, I didn't do it
5. 5, although I think one might be a non-fiction novel. I never can tell the difference.
6. 123 1/2
7. I dunno - I'm not wearing my glasses
8. Not that I know of
9. Ummm, my dog is a girl dog. she's just glad I have legs so I can take her for a walk every ten minutes.
10. Keyboard - ok. I left my beverage upstairs.

Sue said...

1. Sue
2. to Miss Snark? none
3. to infinity and beyond, no doubt
4. never been nailed by Miss Snark
5. most of my novels are fiction, they live in my head
6. I am not a mind-reader, at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it
7. none, pinheads hurt when you sit, dance, stand on them and angels aren't nitwits (angels be shoeless)
8. just their slobber
9. when they ask if you do it doggy-style, my leg gets all a twitchin'
10. covered in cellophane

Kristi said...

1. Kristi
2. What's a query?
3. a plethora
4. a plethora. I just like writing 'plethora.'
5. nada
6. a pleth...no...lots.
7. What the crap kind of quiz is this? I'm not a theologist!
8. No
9. Am I on the wrong blog? Is this the 'dirty writers who like animals' blog? Because if so, I'm outtie.
10. sparkly

Kim said...

1. Kim
2. 2
3. unknown
4. none, although I am aware of some of the nitwitterries I committed unknowingly.
5. none
6. none, although I have read an extensive range of novels.
7. 42
8. No
9. No
10. Fortunately, I avoid mixing this blog and beverages.

Shouga Tea said...

1. The Ginga
2. None...I'm redeeming all the fiction out of my novel.
3. None by Snark-aleck definitions. Too many, socially.
4. I'm saving that one up.
5. My non-fiction novels feature dragons, shape-changers, and superheroes. Wanna dance?
6. Still looking...
7. Angels have reverted to PC pursuits.
8. No. I am psychologically unsuited to associate with them, but I do not sneeze.
9. Not for long.
10. Pristine. I have beverage-related seer abilities.

Shouga Tea said...

1. The Ginga
2. None...I'm redeeming all the fiction out of my novel.
3. None by Snark-aleck definitions. Too many, socially.
4. I'm saving that one up.
5. My non-fiction novels feature dragons, shape-changers, and superheroes. Wanna dance?
6. Still looking...
7. Angels have reverted to PC pursuits.
8. No. I am psychologically unsuited to associate with them, but I do not sneeze.
9. Not for long.
10. Pristine. I have beverage-related seer abilities.

Sam said...

1. Sam
2. I lost count
3. How would I know?
4. Lots, mostly in my teens.
5. That is related to one of the nitwittery questions...
6. And I usually learn from my mistakes, lol.
7. Myriad.
8. No
9. It depends what I'm wearing.
10.Dirty and worn.

Kalayna-Nicole Price said...

1: Kalayna
2: a handful
3: None of the above exactly, but probably others
4: 0...I hope
5: Is saying 'Fantasy novel' as bad as 'fiction novel' lol
6: I've read some self-published stuff...so probably a handful of books whose authors' think they are writing a fiction novel.
7:Why are the angels on a pinhead to start with?
8: nope
9: not if they're smart
10: covered in tea (again)thanks to your post

Jocasta said...

1. I sign my comments with my name. Check out Greek mythology and you'll see who you are dealing with
2.God only knows
3.Probably too many
4.None that I'm aware of... but probably too many too
5. Hahahahahaha
6. Hahahahahaha
7. I suppose angels have better things to do?
8. No but I do have a streetsmart cat so dogs tend to stay away from me
9. I'm afraid yes. A friend of mine has a cocker, female on top ot it so probably a lesbian cocker, who loves nothing better than... hum... have a go at my leg. I'm a good soul and my name carries a hell of a bad karma, so I let the dog abuse my leg...
10. I'm too ashamed to tell you about it

December Quinn said...

1. December
2. Six
3. At least three, but there may be more I don't know about.
4. Two. Muahahaha!
5. I've written five novels and two half-novels. I don't know if any of them reach the pinnacle of "fiction novels", though I aspire to it.
6. Again, thousands of novels, but no idea how many of them are "fiction novels".
7. Forty-two.
8. No.
9. Everything is sexually attracted to my legs.
10. This one is dry, bcause after the toddler-pouring-juice-into-the-laptop incident I have been paranoid and no longer allow the consumption of fluid, by anyone, in any room of the house save the kitchen.

Bubbles said...

1. Bubbles
2. 12.5
3. 49 and counting
4. Why mess with a good thing when I've got the number on unknowing nitwitteries?
5. 1 (a psychic lesbian mystery)
6. 2,469
7. I've known many pinheads, and none of them had angels attached.
8. No
9. Not mine, but once our Cairn Terrier got very friendly with my great-great aunt's (who was 87 at the time) leg, to which she replied, "That dog is no gentleman."
10. Dusty

Anonymous said...

1. Billy
2. None yet. Finishing novel # two first.
3. Three.
4. Three.
5. 1/2
6. Two.
7. Number of angels on a pinhead . . . = number of Whos on a snowflake.
8. No.
9. Once, and I was terrified.
10. Bellissimo.

Miz Treeze said...

fiction novel?????

10. Safe, but only because precautions were taken in advance.

Termagant 2 said...

1. Deb, but you can call me T2
2. Ye dogs, more than I wanna think about
3. All of 'em
4. Some of 'em
5. They're all fiction. 16.5, if you need a quantity.
6. A gajillion-I was reading adult fiction before 5th grade
7. As many as they wanna be
8. No
9. My late-lamented poodle was, yes. Other limbs also.
10. Crumbs, some pet hairs, the odd paper clip. I need to turn it upside down & shake it for twenty minutes or so.

shelby said...

1. Shelby
2. Around 20
3. Probably 2 per letter, including the mother of all nitwitteries: failing to do anything more than the most cursory of research (it never occurred to me that that might be important)
4. None, and I don't plan to in the future
5. Two, according to the query letters found in numbers 2 and 3. Right now I'm just working on a plain old novel.
6. Just the one: The Bridges of Madison County
7. One angel per person, regardless of pinhead status
8. No, just cats
9. Fortunately no
10. I've learned to live with the sticky keys

Snipe said...

1. Name? Snipe (yeah, it's an anagram for an ancient Godlike monolith)- wot, a rejection already? Change the name, if you must.
2. ...queries you've sent? 24 (or more).
3. ...nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly? 24 (or more). (encouraging cynical agents past the address is a major epic).
4. ...nitwitteries you've committed knowingly? 24 (or more) or I'd be published.
5. ...novels you've written? 3
6. ...novels you've read? Do you want a number or names?
7. ...angels on a pinhead? The types of pin is extremely diverse. Do you mean, stick pin; hat pin; bobby pin; safety pin; drawing pin, etc...? (well, you asked).
8. ...you allergic to dogs? Do you mean bitches? (be fair now, your question is leading).
9. ...dogs sexually attracted to your leg? See question 8.
10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment? Want me to tell you a little story about mine, sweetie? (the answer surely obeys your critera?)

I've danced to your tune and perhaps been melodious. You say that you want 'readers,' well I've done some reading. Perhaps you're only firing questions at the aether of your mind in hope that a writer somewhere will know what you mean and offer you answers. (Wot, rejection2 for my presumption? If so, amend questions 2,3,4 from 24 to 25). Seeking answers is surely what keeps you reading. In my position, 'unknown writer' with odds of about 1000 to 1 against, I slave in the proverbial kitchens trying to charm the pedantic literary gourmet. The arrangement of an exceedingly mouthwatering delicacy I must surely concoct. Better yet, throw it in when the gourmet yawns?

Anonymous said...

1. Name: Kaspar Yap
2. Number of queries you've sent: 3
3. Number of nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly: I don't know.
4. Number of nitwitteries you've committed knowingly: non-writing related nitwittery. In the rest of my life I'm too nitwitted to even count them.
5. Number of fiction novels you've written: see 6
6. Number of fiction novels you've read:
There's no such thing as fiction novels.
7. Number of angels on a pinhead: they're too busy to be on a pinhead.
8. Are you allergic to dogs?: No, unless they bite me or develop a sexual attraction to me.
9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg?: No, but see 8.
10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment?: Pretty good, although my 'd' key occasionally gets stuck as a result of a cola incident. It came through my nose after reading a particular piece of nitwittery. I've learned the errors of my ways. I will now print out high-risk messages and I've sworn off cola to replace it with gin.

Katie. said...

1. Katie.
2. 14.
3. 14 (after reading Miss Snark, I realized all of my queries fell into the "hopeless nitwit" category).
4. As part of my Nitwit Recovery Program, I must disclose that my nitwittery used to be rampant. My Nitwitting Sponsor swears I'm getting better.
5. 4.
6. 212.
7. Five thousand. And one devil.
8. No.
9. Yes, 99.9% of the time.
10. Sticky.

p.n. elrod said...

Bleep-bleep-blankety, blank-blank-bleep-bleeping-bleepity-BLEEEP!

Another keyboard shot all to BLEEP.

just Joan said...

1. just Joan
2. Probably not enough, but maybe too many.
3. I don't know! Duh. ;)
4. In writing? None. In life? Too many.
5. hmmm . . . does that include those in various stages of completion?
6. Enough to know that crap gets published and makes money (sometimes it's about the name, not the writing). :D
7. I've never stopped to count (but I do stop to smell the roses).
8. I'm not allergic to my miniature pinscher, but I think I'm allergic to big scary dogs (they send me into convulsions . . . though some people say I'm just shaking with fear).
9. No, nothing is sexually attracted to my leg. :(
10. Beverage free, but some of the letters on the keys are beginning to wear off. Also they are rather warm (I have a laptop and it's been in use too long today).

sex scenes at starbucks said...

1. Sex
2. Ten, but on a book I knew sucked. One response.
3. I don't know
4. Two biggies
5. Six, if you include my Outsiders fan fic from the early 1980s.
6. As many as the number of angels on a pinhead
7. As many as the number of fiction novels I've read
8. Nope. Got one of my own.
9. Nope. But my dog is sexually attracted to her bed. Does that count?
10. Like a toaster, lots of crumbs inside.

S. W. Vaughn said...

Oh, hooray! A quiz!

1. S.W., at the moment

2. 6,823

3. Somewhere around 5K, at last count, according to the NitWitCount feature on my family members

4. Several dozen. I plead the Fifth for explanations.

5. Purple

6. Too many (I worked for a POD company as an editor for a while. Yes, really. That was Knowingly Nitwitted Act Number 13.)

7. This many: 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128...

8. Afraid not

9. Only the ones the size of Shetland ponies

10. Dribbly

I'm going to get myself a cookie now! :-)

Algebra Angel said...

1) Yes Ma'am
2) I don't query. I polietly inform agents that I am the next big thing.
3) I'm perfect.
5) Like I said above, I'm perfect.
5) I usually write fiction textbooks
6) I can't read. The only reason I answered this was the numbers.
7) I'm small, but I definitely do not fit on a pinhead.
8) I rescue starving Japanese dogs. Would you like one?
9) They know better than that. However at the moment my sexually confused female dog is humping my weinie of a male dog.
10) Brand new. I had to replace it so I could type a response.

Akuseru said...

1. Akuseru
2. Does asking a question on Yahoo! Answers count as a query?
3. I'm kind of in the dark on this one...
4. I'm in the process of one right now. Other than that... only Dog knows.
5. Hang on, I need to check under my bed... [Hours later] The dust bunnies say they're not giving up their deities, so I guess that's a big fat zero.
6. Too many. Now ask me how many were good.
7. Depends on how well the pinhead waxes his skull.
8. Not unless they're allergic to me.
9. My husband doesn't let them get close enough to find that out... so no.
10. Keyboard? What keyboard? I had to turn on the voice recognition program to finish this form!

randomsome1 said...

1. Name: Random
2. Number of queries you've sent: Very few
3. Number of nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly: Oh, lots. But none of the ones listed above.
4. Number of nitwitteries you've committed knowingly: While trolling? No idea.
5. Number of fiction novels you've written: 0
6. Number of fiction novels you've read: Somewhere between "a lot" and "not nearly enough."
7. Number of angels on a pinhead: The possibilities probably depend on which Hellraiser movie's canon you're looking at, but I don't doubt I could find some pr0nfic of it. Rule #34, baby! . . . oh, wait. Wrong kind of pinhead. Dunno, you got me.
8. Are you allergic to dogs? Nope
9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg? Nope
10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment? Still in one piece--I've tried to keep the headdesking to a minimum as of late.

Anonymous said...

1. Anony Mouse
2. Five
3. Infinite multiplied by Pi
4. Known nitwitteries are shot, dismembered and buried to hide the evidence. Survivors are shot again.
5. Uh-uh, not gonna bite ;-)
6. Well, I've picked up quite a few books over the years purporting to be novels, but they were so gak I could only presume them to be fictional novels ....
7. The pinhead has to want angels on it
8. I have six. Dogs. At-CHOO. Not at all.
9. Not unless they like the taste of boot leather just before lift-off ...
10. Put it this way - if it were a crime scene, they'd have to do DNA tests to separate the species represented here

tcastleb said...

1. tcastleb
2. 20+
3. None, I hope
4. Still none, I hope.
5. 5 1/2
6. Over 3,000, I think
7. I'll have to research that answer, and maybe I'll be able to use it in a book someday.
8. Nope
9. No, the cat would claw them for invading her territory
10. Underneath said cat, which makes it a bit hard to type.

Pixel Faerie said...

1. Name: You know I only go by my nom de plume: Fingerlickin'OQueenofPoodles

2. Number of queries you've sent: I've sent 100's to you. I assume you think I'm a stalker by now. I'm not. Really. Don't look at the nitwit standing idly in the lobby of your building.

3. Number of nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly: Never!

4. Number of nitwitteries you've committed knowingly: Everyone knows chocolates and gin and a pile of $20s in with your manuscript means it will be read.


5. Number of fiction novels you've written: Many!


6. Number of fiction novels you've read: ... you mean actually finished?


7. Number of angels on a pinhead: Still counting.

8. Are you allergic to dogs? Nay!


9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg? I'm afraid dogs approach my legs the other way around. Mouth first.

10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment?

You mean that white stuff that was once milk? I'm sure it is a different substance now, some chemical reaction turns it into a different form when blasted out of a nose. I call it Moogers.

Ruth said...

1. Ruth
2. Aren't you supposed to ask me what my quest is?
3. Wait. This is the official Monty Python and the Holy Grail fansite, isn't it?
4. No? Phooey.
5. Sometimes I think all of them are fiction.
6. All of AuthorHouse's and PublishAmerica's.
7. Just me.
8. Yes. Suffice to say, we own three, each over thirty pounds, and rarely vacuum.
9. Unfortunately. Three years of therapy and I still hop on one foot whenever a Great Dane walks by.
10. Ergonomic. It cost more than the computer.

Alley Splat said...

1. Alley Splat
2. None yet, but soon, very soon...
3. Hard to say!
4. Can you take the Fifth if you're Scots?
5. None, I don't think I'd know how.
6. None, too busy reading novel fiction.
7. None, they have better taste.
8. Only when they're trying to kill me.
9. Depends which leg.
10. Splattered.

Just to say thanks, Oh Snarkoluptious One, for your riveting, immensely informative blog from a new writer; I think I got addicted within a minute of reading it!

Inkwolf said...

1. Name
Withheld by popular request

2. Number of queries you've sent
Three. Gods, I'm such a coward!

3. Number of nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly
Beyond counting.

4. Number of nitwitteries you've committed knowingly
Ditto. Including use of the word 'ditto.'

5. Number of fiction novels you've written
One and many, many, many halves.

6. Number of fiction novels you've read
Also beyond counting.

7. Number of angels on a pinhead
SIX! (I had to give a definitve answer to SOMETHING.)

8. Are you allergic to dogs?
My dog says no.

9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg?
Not in recent memory.

10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment?
The lower left corner is sticky from a spilled yoghurt smoothie.

NitWitness said...

1. Name – Yes, I have one.
2. Number of queries you've sent – I love NY’ers accents, especially when the try to say ‘canaries’.
3. Number of nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly – None, I wear a condom.
4. Number of nitwitteries you've committed knowingly – Um…my parents are in Belview. So, two…my answer is two.
5. Number of fiction novels you've written – None. Typed them all.
6. Number of fiction novels you've read – Few. My attention span is very….What was the question again?
7. Number of angels on a pinhead – If the pinhead is wearing a hat how can you even see the angels?
8. Are you allergic to dogs? They do seem to sneeze and whine a lot when I’m around.
9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg? – ‘sigh’…no. Not even if I tie pork chops to them.
10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment? - Wait a sec until I brush all the roaches off…..

Rick said...

1. Name- Rick
2. Number of queries you've sent- 7
3. Number of nitwitteries you've committed unknowingly- at least 9(at least 1 in each and several in 1, it was a disaster)
4. Number of nitwitteries you've committed knowingly-uhm...1. Tried a coy tactic...slap me with a clue stick
5. Number of fiction novels you've written-1.75
6. Number of fiction novels you've read-172.55
7. Number of angels on a pinhead-42 (this must have been the question)
8. Are you allergic to dogs?-NO! but our cats are.
9. Are dogs sexually attracted to your leg?-er...other parts. Near the leg though.
10. Condition of your keyboard at this moment?-Fine. Although the D, the O and the G keys are quite used. They dddoo still wooork thoooouggggh.

Anonymous said...

1. Antonia
2. 0
3. Don't do numbers.
4. " "
5."fiction novels" ahh, redudant? To answer: On paper, one in progress. In head, see 3 & 4.
6. What's with the numbers? Why not titles, authors?
7. Prefer the pointed end, where the devils don't make you count.
8. No.
9. Well, my golden retriever has this thing for my...come to think of it, I'll save that for a short story.
10. The letters are worn and the numbers? Pristine.