10.31.2006

Red Letter Writing Contest #25

“Sweetie, you misspelled ‘dragon’.”

“Did not.”

“Yes, you did. You spelled it ‘dragoon’. It has only one ‘o’.”

“Read the whole thing.”

“‘The dragoon threatened to overwhelm the enterprise….’ You know, I can’t even understand what you’re saying. It needs to be more crisp. Think of a lucky sonata by Straud.”

“Strauss.”

“Whatever. What I’m saying is this is supposed to be a fantasy, right?”

“Right.”

“So fantasies have dragons, not ‘dragoons’, whatever those are. And here, what about this: ‘His retainer fled after the first volley.’ Where did the retainer come from? They don’t even have dentistry.”

“What the hell?”

“And all this dialogue. Yak yak yak. You can’t even tell who’s saying what. And you never, ever start with dialogue. The reader can’t see what’s going on.”

“You don’t have a clue, do you.”

“Beg pardon?”

“I can’t believe I paid you to be my agent. Do you even own a dictionary?”

“Hey, Sweetie, uh-uh. Don’t give me this attitude. Do you know who I am?”

“You’re in idiot.”

“Oh--ok, that’s it. I don’t need this, especially not from some third rate hack. Sweetie, you can give up trying to get published in this town.”

“What, you think you run some sort of literary cabal? I’ll find another damn agent.”

“Good luck. You couldn’t pay someone to rep you.”

“Well, I did it once, I’ll do it again. Oh, and speaking of, Barbara--excuse me, Ms. Bauer--I want my money back.”


Miss Snark prays this IS fantasy. Truly truly truly.

4 comments:

Miz Treeze said...

This is one of my favourites so far

Southern Writer said...

Snort! There goes a keyboard.

Georgiana said...

Hilarious, bravo.

Sam said...

LOLOL! Magic realism? Fantasy Horror? What genre I wonder would fit...
LOL!