10.31.2006

Red Letter Writing Contest #28

Captain's Log Stardate 221415.9:

The USS Enterprise is currently in orbit around the mysterious planet Dragonia. The Dragoons are ruled by a secret cabal headed by the Most High Snark and her retainer the SFWA.

Recently the Cabal has developed a terrible weapon called the Google Bomb. For reasons unknown, they plan to use it to drive independent literary agents out of business and ruin the galactic publishing industry.

The Federation has ordered us to stop this nefarious scheme. Ensign Bauer, Mr. Spock, Bones and I are beaming down to reason with cabal members Strauss, Crispin, and Kuzminski.


Stardate 221416.5:

Unfortunately Ensign Bauer was devoured by a strange beast known as the Killer Yapp shortly after our arrival on Dragoonia. However, we were successful in our negotiations with the Cabal. In exchange for a gin pail and an autographed picture of George Clooney, and a stack of crisp, new $100 bills, the Most high Snark has agreed to stop trying to destroy the galactic publishing industry. The Enterprise is now on its way to Starbase 117 so I can pick up a new case of toupee glue.


Going where no Snark has gone before!

9 comments:

Chumplet said...

By Babs' voice, I thought she was like, a hundred years old. Great picture! I hope the blog doesn't crash from all the refreshing....

Dave said...

I thought this happened on Star Date two point one four one five nine two six.

And they reported the negotiations were as easy as pi.

GutterBall said...

Ha! Dave, you kill me!

Chumplet said...

The Ensign is guaranteed to be the one that bites it every time.

Southern Writer said...

I started at the top and am reading down the column, and they just get better and funnier along the way.

McKoala said...

Yup, any time they take an ensign you know his/her end is nigh.

Dave Kuzminski said...

Whew, I wasn't wearing a red shirt. ;)

aardvark.novelista@gmail.com said...

Wish I'd have read this before I wrote and submitted mine--also a Star Trek Spoof.

Oh well.

overdog said...

My husband just asked me why I'm honking. It's a compliment for my tinkly laughter.