10.31.2006

Red Letter Writing Contest #32

To The Lovely Miss Snark:

From Louisville’s leading newspaper.

Headline – CATASTROPHE THWARTED

Hollywood, Ca:
Much to the chagrin of geneticists worldwide, a secret cabal of fashion designers has mastered cloning, and the hapless subject was Levi Strauss. Using a dragoon of bloggers, the fashion moguls surreptitiously had Mr. Strauss hired as lead costume designer for the latest Star Trek: Enterprise movie. Their nefarious motive: to show how dull the future will look if everyone wore jeans rather than crisp, new Designer Original Fashions.

The plot was uncovered by Olympic Gold Medalist and aspiring actress Katarina Witt, who became suspicious when she remembered that Strauss had been dead for over a hundred years. When confronted, the faux Strauss attempted to subdue the actress by wrapping her in a denim tent. Ms. Witt escaped and alerted local authorities.

“I cut my vey out vith my ice skates,” Witt explained.

In a related story, George Clooney (portraying Captain James T. Kirk), was involved in an on-set altercation. Clooney allegedly punched Babs Bauerbuns, the founding member of the infamous terror group IILAA. While the police report concluded Clooney acted in self defense, Bauerbuns announced her intent to sue, saying “Johnnie Cochran has and always will be my retainer.” Bauerbuns ignored several reporters that pointed out Cochran was deceased.

Mr. Clooney will be awarded the Writers Medal of Valor on Thursday.

Initial attempts to disseminate this information were interrupted by a rogue Googlebomb. – Ed.

Thank you for your time.


Miss Snark feels a disruption in the Force.

1 comment:

Dave said...

Out of all that strangeness, my first thought is that it shouldn't be the lovely Katerina Witt, but Nancy Kerrigan or Tonya Harding.
That's just so sick of me, I find myself revolting.