10.31.2006

Red Letter Writing Contest #36

"I am the very model of a fiendish Dragoon Lit Agent"
(appropriate nods to Gilbert and Sullivan's Modern Major General)

I am the very model of a fiendish Dragoon Lit Agent
I've made my website hard to read with false quotations, smoke, and tint
I know the names of cabals out to get us—they all hate and vent
From Snark Central to P and E, what crisis-mong'ring lies they've sent
Each enterprise from Strauss to Crisp contains no lady, Yapp, or gent
They don't exist, mere corporate-types, ganged up to hog the writer's cent

Now all who've signed there are a few details to work out and discuss
I've reading fees plus copier charge and postal—-please don't make a fuss
In short, you've signed your soul away--I don't care if you make the rent.
I am the very model of a fiendish Dragoon Lit Agent.

I know our mythic history, from pickpockets to pirate-kings
Ah, crooks of old have nothing on my podcasts and those blogger things
I never call my clients back, I can't abide by complainers
That check you wrote me is no more—go back and hawk your retainer.
Meanwhile I'll huff and objurgate with awe-inducing fallacy
While naming no specific sales—my clients need their privacy.

Of all the scams—ahem the jobs—I could pull off this is supreme
What better way to get ahead than fleecing people's hopes and dreams?
And in those throngs of naïve writers I have hardly made a dent
I am the very model of a fiendish Dragoon Lit Agent.



Miss Snark reaches for her tuning fork and the cast of the West Wing!

8 comments:

Dave said...

WOW - where is George Rose when you need him!

LadyBronco said...

I love this one!

Southern Writer said...

Bravo!

McKoala said...

Fiendish.

I Said said...

Natural voice and language skill--to come up with this so quickly. Congrats!

Georgiana said...

Very nice indeed!

Kate Thornton said...

Oh, I love this - a patter song!

MDavis said...

Thank you all for your encouraging comments. :-) Alas, I came in "closely closely" second in Achievement in Song. But it was to the (deserving) overall winner, so I can feel good about that. What a fun contest, thank you Miss Snark!

Verification word: dabaud
Definition: Shakespeare as identified on Lon Guy-land