10.20.2006

Seven Signs of Snarkly Addiction

You know you've been spending too much time over at Miss Snark's blog when


1. you understand the inside joke headlines instantly
2. you can tell which regular is posting anonymously
3. you miss it when Bill E. Goat can't get his hooves on a keyboard
4. You're kneeling at prayer on Sunday and say "Blessed be Dog forever"
5. you experience withdrawl when blogger is slow to load, or worse, not loading
6. you make up emails to Miss Snark so you can be 'nitwit of the day'
7. you've contemplated using "snark" as a character name in your novel

I'm sure there are others. Feel free to confess all in the comments column.

65 comments:

A. Selkirk said...

Number 4. Ugh, don't remind me.

delilah said...

You know you're spending too much time at Snark Central when:

8. Your favorite expression, even in polite company, is "WTF?!"

Kimber An said...

Whew, what a relief. Didn't answer yes to any of those. Please believe I do hold you in the deepest respect, Oh Queen Snark, nevertheless.

Kim said...

You mean I'm not the only one saying 'Thank Dog'?

Thank Dog!

Er... I mean...

Heidi the Hick said...

I speak with drawl.

writtenwyrdd said...

9. You have budding ambitions to be a serial scrubber and you are starting to rethink your aversion to the color orange.

Bernita said...

You put TM in brackets after "yanno", even before Miss Snark began saying PP.

Tanya said...

9. You get the word "Yanno" (tm/pp) flashing across your mind at various moments in the day and smile fondly at it

Lorra said...

Line item in your monthly budget is: Computer Keyboard.

Eric said...

When you're going to make a pithy comment on how "yanno" has crept into your email correspondence, but tanya and bernita have already beaten you to the punch.

The Rejected Writer said...

10. You dream of getting Miss Snark a date with George Clooney in hopes of getting her to represent you.

Ryan Field said...

When you read things like this, "I'm not exactly sure what an action-adventure novel is but it sounds like what the boys read in the clubhouse behind the "no girlz" sign," without warning and you lose another keyboard.

Southern Writer said...

That "Yanno" one is so true! I have even apologized to you for infringing on your trademark when using it.

I no longer think of KY as "a personal lubricant," but as Killer Yapp.

Zuleme said...

I dreamed George Clooney was my boyfriend and I offered to give him to Miss Snark if she would read my novel.

I don't have a novel for Miss Snark to read.

Gina MarySol Ruiz said...

10. You now refer to that annoying co-worker as "nitwit of the day".

11. You've replaced your beer and wine with gin.

12. Being told you're being "snarky" feels like a compliment.

13. When you see Mr. Clooney on TV or magazine pages, you immediately think, "Oh look, it's Miss Snark's man!"

Texas WordSorter said...

You're a "newbie" who sees this for the first time and you realize you don't have to make up e-mails to be "nitwit of the week." Yeesh :-)

Rashenbo said...

I'm guilty of #5 today. I had to hit refresh at least 3 times to get my snarkilicious page... and it's still giving me errors... GRRRR!!!

How about when you go to other blogs and you say, "well, Snark says" and you expect everyone to know exactly who you are talking about.

Simon Haynes said...

12. Someone asks for my email and I automatically give them uranitwit@wtf.com (Or now, I see, .comma)

Pixel Faerie said...

If you see odd things like 212, poodles, George Clooney... and instant think Miss Snark.

If you automatically reach for a clue gun when someone's spouting nitwittery.

Barbjn said...

8. you think about giving Gin a try, when you really love Vodka

9. you wonder if a French Poodle will date a French Bulldog--and if he will, will he wear that damn tam?

10. you wonder everytime you use your facial sponge, if you are turning into a serial scrubber

11. you think wistfully of the days when you could still wear stillettos

12. you call someone a "nitwit" and you feel a sneer coming on

Debby G. said...

When you go to Central Park, you don't notice the grand old trees and beautiful architecture because you're too busy looking for a women swilling gin while walking a pampered poodle.

calendula said...

Well, I don't have a character named Snark, but I did find myself describing one as being snarky...still trying to decide whether to change it or not, since it's a perfect description. But then the very next week, someone else in my critique group had someone being snarky (and I hadn't submitted my snarky section). Yikes!

Sam said...

Your 'homepage' is Miss Snark's blog.

December Quinn said...

You keep making Miss Snark jokes wth your family, even thought they look at you blankly every time.

~Nancy said...

What wyrdd, bernita, and tanya said. :-)

~JerseyGirl

Kristi said...

10. You don't 'get' any of these jokes. oh...wait...that falls in the 'not reading Miss Snark enough' signs. Make mental note to visit Miss Snark daily.

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

#10. When using Google for research on a book, I'm really googling for more George Clooney pictures to send to Miss Snark.

Anonymous said...

1. You keep reading every day even though the bloodthirsty followers of Ms. Snark make you wonder if the world is changing for the worse.

9. You post even though you know Ms. Snark will delete your comment since she doesn't like your attitude towards the minions.

Miz Treeze said...

Count me in for 1,3,4,5,5,5,5 ...

BuffySquirrel said...

Someone sends you a hot link and you've already seen it over at the Snarkster's.

helen said...

Your two-year-old tells her friends at nursery that "Mummy got an email from Miss Snark" because you spent most of the previous evening wittering on about your star-struckness.

ORION said...

8. You have more words total for comments on Miss Snark's blog than you do on your current WIP each week.

9. You think you will trick yourself by taking Miss Snark off your bookmarks and then you just go into "History" to save time.

I did not realize how addicted I was until we had an earthquake here in Hawaii and NO POWER/ INTERNET for a whole day and intermittent black outs after that.
I was "Jonesing."
My hands were shaking.
I KNEW there were posts I hadn't seen yet.
I KNEW Billy E. Goat was responding.
I need rehab.

MTV said...

You know your "Snark Addicted" when on the way out to buy your wife an anniversary present you just have to check out her blog just before you leave -:),-:)-:)!

Kim Stagliano said...

I now refer to my sugary breakfast cereal as "Magically Snarkilicous." And plan to make my fortune selling "WWMSD" rubber bracelets.

I haven't had so much fun with an imaginary "friend" since childhood.

KS

Anonymous said...

You're sick and tired of George Fucking Clooney.

Anonymous said...

Instead of bitching when a thread is hijacked, you just go with it.

J. F. Constantine said...

Oh Dear Dog! I am only a Novice Snarkling, but am already guilty of #'s 1, 5, 7 and maybe 6, not to mention WTF and yanno (TM/PP) from above comments. I cannot be far from #'s 2, 3 & 4 as well. Here endeth the confession.

Jessica said...

I realized I was spending too much time here when there was an episode of M*A*S*H on, and someone called someone else a nitwit, and I laughed like an idiot ("Hahahah, he called him a nitwit. He's a nitwit") even though no one else thought it was funny.

Anonymous said...

While reading on an airplane, you see a stunning photo of George Clooney in Entertainment Weekly and think, "Oh, I have to save this to give to Miss Snark when I get home."

mamalujo1 said...

You comment once, it's not approved. So you comment again, differently, and it IS. You wonder why.

Anonymous said...

I've reached for my 'cluegun' while reading stupid comments (in a crit) about something so obvious, you want to pistol whip someone. Not that I would ever do that. :) Giving the person a little zap would be very satifying though. (g)

Ring of Life said...

Realize in some weird way that Snark seems synonymous with Farkle . . .

katiesandwich said...

"Blessed be dog forever." LOL. I _hadn't_ been saying that one, but now that it's in my head, I'm sure I will next mass.

Here's one. I went to a wedding recently, overhead someone ask the bartender for something and gin, and I thought, "Gee, I wonder if that's Miss Snark!"

Gabriele C. said...

You begin to find George Cloney attractive.

Anonymous said...

I thought you were funny when it was about publishing, then you lowered yourself to put down Ann Coulter. Sorry, it doesn't matter whether she is liberal or conservative, you have really dropped in my sight. You will have to work hard to make it up.

dink said...

You find yourself wondering what's Killer Yapp doing right this very moment ...

Termagant 2 said...

10. You find yourself figuring out answers to address Bill E's concerns.

11. You look for a tinier font to reply to Sha'el's.

12. You utter "Thank Dog!" and don't even wonder where it came from.

13. You google Termagant 2 and get more hits than your real name.

T2, obviously doomed

snarkaholic said...

You become so enamored with her voice that you want to bone her, although you have absolutely no clue to her looks or anything else for that matter.

{speaking hypothetically of course)

December Quinn said...

Anonymous, we're the Devotion. The Minions are over at Evil Editor.

Tawna Fenske said...

Anonymous said...

You're sick and tired of George Fucking Clooney.


I somehow read this with the sixth and seventh words reversed and thought "how could you ever get sick of that?"

Tawna

Sherryl said...

You call your students nitwits, then laugh to yourself and think 'WTF'.

Manic Mom said...

You sob uncontrollably when you realize Miss Snark did not approve your previous comment alluding to numbers 8 and 9.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dave Kuzminski said...

termagant2, I just tried Googling on my name as I use it in forums and found something interesting that folks here might want to try. When I Googled DaveKuzminski (with no space) to see how many listings there were, the first link contained the following content, "DaveKuzminski is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments DaveKuzminski is so great..." I then tried it using another writer's forum handle and she was listed as being "better than ice cream with hot fudge." Suffice it to say, I found it entertaining and thought that others might like to experiment with their own forum names in Google to see what they come up with. ;)

Algebra Angel said...

My students were being stupid and I threatened them with the cluegun.

My husband does NOT read Miss Snark, but he hears so much about her from me that he also talks about her like a real person.

I started a blog so I no longer have to be annonymous.

Jean said...

As you see more and more and more pictures of George Clooney (whom you'd not really heard of before), you begin to think he looks a little like Cary Grant, so maybe he'd be worth checking out...

Anonymous said...

you have really dropped in my sight. You will have to work hard to make it up.

Oh, I'm SURE that's Miss Snark's first order of business. I don't know how she can sleep at night knowing she's disappointed you.

Anonymous said...

Snarkaholic, you scare me.

Chumplet said...

Your comment doesn't show up and you feel worse than you did when you got your last rejection. (What'd I say? What'd I say? Did I put my fuzzy foot in my mouth?)

Southern Writer said...

I thought you were funny when it was about publishing, then you lowered yourself to put down Ann Coulter. Sorry, it doesn't matter if she is liberal or conservative, you have really dropped in my sight ...

Heh. You went up 20 points in mine.

Anonymous said...

Thinking "Miss Snark" would be an excellent name for a race horse.

WitLiz Today said...

Miss Snark, forgive me, for I have sinned. And number seven had nothing to do with it, although the sentence that followed the number seven may have.

At any rate, I'm extremely grateful to Miss Snark for helping me to realize that I have an addiction, and that it's past time for an intervention.

So today my wonderful writer friends, I made arrangements to enter a Treatment program for Miss Snark's Blog Addiction. If all goes well, I should be out of there by Christmas.

It was a very difficult decision to make, probably one of the most painful choices that I've ever had to make in my entire life! But I wasn't eating, or drinking, or breathing, because I just kept waiting for the next post. Ruined a couple of laptops too because I never turned them off.

So, thanks to Miss Snark, I've seen the light.

Now,I must say vaya con dios.

But let me leave you with a reminder to buy my book when it comes out as it will detail the incredibly painful journey I went through to work my way out of The Miss Snark Blog Addiction!

Perhaps you will be one of the lucky ones, and learn from my mistakes.

I truly hope so.

Kim said...

I'm not addicted. I can quit this blog at any time! Really! I can! I don't NEED this! I -

Ah, who am I kidding. I probably need a twelve-step program. But first I'd have to admit I have a problem.

I don't. I'm a functioning Snarkaholic!

hanging by a thread in canada said...

Tawna Fenske, you made me laugh out loud.

GAGoetz said...

Your computer crashes and the first thing you think about is not...OMADOG! I won't be abe to write until it's fixed, but is...OMADOG! I won't be able to keep up with Miss Snark! Actually happened.

domynoe said...

12. Being told you're being "snarky" feels like a compliment.

You mean it isn't?