Snarkiana Winners---and some pithy comments

1. What is the name of the Princess of Pixies?
This was so easy that if you didn't get it right you got disqualified.
correct answer: Sha'el

2. Which regular commenter writes westerns?

Some pretty hilarious offerings here including:
That truckdriver chick Hawkeye?
I think it's Kittty.
George Clooney
Er...Bill E. Goat? (Bill E. got two votes...and he writes paranormal goat romance not westerns)

And some of you fumbled but eventually came close:
2. Brady Westminster? or Westhammer? Westmorland? West?
2. Brady Westwood?

Correct answer: Brady Westwater (7 correct answers, 8 if f you include a rather sweet "moi?" from Mr. W himself)

3. What magazine is fortunate to claim MG Tarquini as a contributing editor?
Some wishful thinking included: The New Yorker, Paris Review, and three people who think the Bunions is a magazine (if it is, it's news to me...but so much is these days)
and 17 of you got the correct answer: Spinetingler
and two of you had some fun thinking what Tarquini meant:

---It always makes me think of a tall alcoholic drink with ice. I'm sure it's not quite as good as gin though.

----but i love the name tarquini. it sounds like a delicious gin-based cocktail someone named tarquin might make for their friends.

4. Name as many of Miss Snark's relatives as you can
Entirely too many of you named Killer Yapp, who I must tell you is REALLY offended you think he'd lower himself to claiming kin with creatures that are delusional about their superiority given they have ONLY two legs, no sense of smell, and a curious inhibition about pooping in the park.

Most of you got Grandmother Snark but only
one of you got Shyster Snark; and
one of you got Card Shark Snark.

Everyone missed Abacus Snark

Winner here is Bethany who got one I'd totally forgotten about:

Pappa (Father) Snark (with the Pentagon-days stamp that reads: Hogwash)

and one of you is looking for clues in very very strange places:
If it is true that "Miss Snark is the long lost love child of Joyce Maynard and JD Salinger," then that stipulates her parentage.

5. Who is Pat Walsh and why does Miss Snark talk about him in reverent tones?

Almost all of you got some variation of this. Mostly I wanted to again mention his book.

6. Who are Ann, Victoria and Dave and why does Miss Snark mention them?
You mostly got this right, but a few of you have real hang ups on how to spell Dave's name.
You'll notice I don't include it either.

7. What are three things Miss Genoese and Miss Snark share?

Let's remind everyone that Miss Genoese is NOT an agent. She's an editor.

A lot of you are soaking her in gin, and dropping ciggie ash on MY head but really the correct answers are:

devotion to Mr. Clooney
devotion to Mr. Clooney
devotion to Mr. Clooney

and the fact that NO ONE got it ALL right is really cause for great alarm.

In fact, let's just have a little reminder, right here:

8. When Miss Snark mentions her hair, what is she doing with it?
Almost everyone got the correct answer: setting it on fire.
There were a few who thought I was pulling it out but really, why do that when you can self combust.

9. There are six reasons to scream at a client. Which is your favorite?
Some of you thought I asked when it's ok to scream at an agent. No no, this was from a very early post wherein someone's (now blessedly former) agent had screamed at her.

No one got this right except the people who googled.
Herein the list:

The six reasons are as follows:
1. Client's hair is on fire;
2. Client has stepped into traffic on Third Avenue, forgetting it goes both directions at 14th Street;
3. Client has won the Edgar and the applause makes it hard to hear;
4. Client has swilled the very very last bottle of gin;
5. Client is getting ready to sit upon [a] chair that is occupied by a reptile; or
6. Client has eloped with George Clooney.

Winners here are Georgiana, and Maya, for choosing my favorite: #5

10. Miss Snark recommends books from time to time. Name any three.

Well, here's where we hit the motherlode. Many of you confuse my recommendations on the blog with the books I list on library thing. The books on library thing are ones I've read. No recommendation implied, although a lot of them are darn good.

Herewith what you remember:

Chang-Rae Lee's Native Speaker. I read it on your recommendation and enjoyed it a lot. I also followed up on Jane Kenyon and Candas Dorsey because of your suggestions. Thanks!

The Amulet of Samarkand... there's more in the library link on the right of your blog.

Gay Talese A Writers Life

Jon ? Motherless Brooklyn (like I say, I'm not googling!)

Pat Walsh as above - no that's cheating...
Um... Anything by Laura Lippman

Hey, cool, you like Dick Francis. I think I read every one, and suspect that his wife really wrote them.
The Amulet of Samarkand, Jonathan Stroud;
Baby Proof, Emily Giffin.

Slicky Boys by Martin Limon,
The City of Falling Angels by John Berendt and
Monkey Town: The Summer of the Scopes Trial by Ronald Kidd

Timothy, or, notes of an abject reptile;
Kirsch's Guide to the Book Contract

PERSUADER by Lee Child
BELLY by Lisa Selin Davis
RAINFALL by Barry Eisler
Other recommended authors: Michael Connolly, James Lee Burke, Frederick Busch, Laurie King and Sara Paretsky

Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay (I finally bought it)
Rainfall by Barry Eisler
Locked Rooms by Laurie R. King

Portraits, by Michael Kimmelman;
The Creative Habit, by Twyla Tharp;
Motherless Brooklyn, by Jon Letham

Motherless Brooklyn by Jon Letham,
Persuader by Lee Child
The Intuitionist by Colson Whitehead

10. Alan Furst, Larry Brown (thanks for that one), and I think I got James Lee Burke from you, about a year ago. I also think you mentioned Dennis Lehane some time back.

Elements of Style,
Lunar Park

Bleak House - Charles Dickens,
Saints at the River - Ron Rash;
Last Night - James Salter

10 Percent of Nothing: The Case of the Literary Agent from Hell by Jim Fisher

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

To Kill A Mockingbird by Lee Harper

Telling Lies for Fun and Profit,
Monkey Town,
78 Reasons....

Gay Talese's writing book,
Kirsch's Guide to the Book Contract,
78 Reasons Why Your Book May Never Be Published and 14 Reasons Why It Just Might is worth reading

'78 Reasons Why Your Book May Never Be Published and 14 Reasons Why It Just Might', 'Confederacy of Dunces',
'The Lovely Bones'.

I know you've recommended Michael Connely, Dick Francis, and any of the Spenser novels up until recently when Parker starts repeating himself.

The Amulet of Samarkand,
Jenna Glatzer's book, and.
.. Augusten Burroughs' Running With Scissors?
And you didn't perticularly like Jonothan Stange and Mrs. Norrell (no kidding!)

Buried Alive; the Biography of Janis Joplin, by Myra Friedman
To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
What Remains : A Memoir of Fate, Friendship, and Love, by Carole Radziwill

Amulet of Samarkand by Stroud,
A writer's life by Gay Talese,
Timothy: or notes of an abject reptile

Writer's Guide to Literary Agents,
Literary Marketplace,
Chicago Manual of Style

"The Amulet of Samarkand,"
"Tropic of Night,"
"So Yesterday"; all were fabulous; thanks for the recommendations. Also, Steven King's "On Writing." My recommendation backatcha: listen to Simon Jones’s performance of “Amulet”; it’s a treat.

What Is Life Worth, Kenneth R Feinberg
Saints at the River, Ron Rash
Last Night, James Salter

Hitman by Lawrence Block (just read it and the follow up Hit List, one per day - great books!)
Brooklyn Noir
A Writers Life

11. Bonus points: for which phrase has Miss Snark applied for a patent?
Yanno, everyone got that right except the people who quibbled that it's a word not a phrase. Those people are disqualified of course for not knowing that 'you know' is a phrase.

and a quick word to everyone who is in some sort of snit about this:
Get over yourself.

If, on the first Sunday in October, I decide to see what kinds of things people remember over the course of fifteen months and three thousand posts, don't get your knickers in a twist.

If you thought this was related to the crapometer, you need your head examined. Also a remedial course in reading retention.

But of course, if at any time you are unsatisified with the customer service provided here, I'll be glad to provide you with a complete refund of all your entry fees. Step right up to make your claim.


Manic Mom said...

And speaking of (or rather, drooling over) Mr. Clooney, did you read this:


Not sure if it'll link but it's about Georgie's dating strategy of dating different actresses.

Miss Snark, have you starred in anything of late? You might need to make a career change!

Judy said...

Shyster Snark
Card Shark Snark
Abacus Snark

Ok, when did these characters show up? Were they early mentions or just thrown in now and then to see if I was listening?

cudd said...

I'm so happy to know that you're back to your old self, :) You really had me worried that those trolls from the last post had gotten to you, ^-^

Okay, time to switch W's from worrying to writing.

Dave Kuzminski said...

Of course, I had another idea on how you could limit entries in a later Crapometer... select entries send by individuals based on what letter their email address begins with. Of course, you may want to combine q, x, and z with some other letters. Then all you need is a 23-sided die and those are actually available. There are many kinds of dice available for use in various games such as Dungeons and Dragons and the like. One throw and you've made a choice.

Shouga Tea said...

I got by-name mention! >swoons<

Snarklings, it pays to Snarkive.

[Shyster Snark was just hilarious. And "Hogwash" makes my day, everytime I visualize a dossier coming back to its luckless underofficer stamped with that one word.]

You know you're a genius, Miss Snark. We're here to remember why for you.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Virginia Miss said...

Okay, so, well, I read into the quiz more than was stated. Fair enough.
After missing out on two crapometers, some of us are so damn desperate for a crack at the third, we let wishful thinking get the better of us.
In our defense, the posting of the snarkiana trivia quiz came so soon after discussion of qualifying questions...

Virginia Miss

Chumplet said...

Clooney's not looney. He's swooney. And worth a zillion loonies.

One of my answers got mentioned! Woo hoo!

Former Snark Lover said...


Dave said...


grumpy said...

But surely KY recognizes you as part of the pack? That's like family to dogs. (Ideally, you'd be pack leader, but doubtless you've worked something out).

Not to criticize, but it seems in poor taste to mention Mr. Clooney's liasons here.

And not to complain, but I thought there were going to be prizes. Where are the prizes?

verification word: aqbrwacn - how you feel the morning after drinking too much gin

Miss Snark said...

There ARE prizes..if your name is Bethany, Maya and Georgina, and your email address matches theirs.

KY is the leader of the pack. He has theme music for it. Sung by the Shangri-Las, although Miss Snark prefers the Twisted Sister cover.

Dragonet2 said...

I'm currently next to brain-dead because of a 7-day workweek imposed by my insane desire to fund Christmas spending with a stint at a friend's booth at our local renaissance festival so I declined to participate in the questionnaire. Fest ios over in two weeks, thank goodness.

And this last weekend (which should have been beautiful, It's OCTOBER for ghus' sake) was stinking hot and nasty, especially Sunday. Saturday it was warm, but there was a nice breeze that just kept us cool. Sunday it was a great gusty wind that kept us running for blown out earring cards (we put our earrings out on display on window shutters) and just the general nastiness of being outside in a dusty, dirty place.

I'm glad you gave the answers.

Thanks, and many blessings. Keep up the good work.

ORION said...

I am SO excited. Dexter will be a SERIES on Showtime. I just saw the ad.
That is totally cool.
I read Darkly Dreaming Dexter on your recommendation and loved it.

Maya said...

Thanks, Miss Snark.

I had a lot of fun with the quiz. It took all of twenty minutes via "search" to track down the answers I absolutely didn't know.

Your generosity in answering questions and your willingness to maintain this site for the last fifteen months has been hugely appreciated.

I started reading this blog in August, 2005, about the same time I was ready to start looking for an agent. I followed your advice about researching, querying and interviewing agents. Emailed you with questions about the contract when I received it in December.

My agent sold that manuscript two months ago to one of the Penguin imprints.

Any prize you send will be purely lagniappe.

Thanks and warm regards,


DeadlyAccurate said...

On my last spree of book buying, I got both Rain Fall and The Amulet of Samarkand based on recommendations of this blog.

McKoala said...

What happened to my post? Oh, never mind, just wanted to say that I had fun!

outraged said...


I am astounded by the flippant and off-hand way in which you have addressed what are, in my opinion, very valid concerns about the increasingly exclusive and clique-burdened nature of this forum. I think you are completely misunderstanding your responsibilities as an educator and public broadcaster.

Let me tell you, Miss Snark, if that is indeed the name by which you go, there are those of us who have been with you since your beginnings in the early eighties, and we do not appreciate our concerns being branded as no less than a mere "snit". Have some decorum, would you, please?

You should remember who it is who made you, and who can bring you down, Madam. Remember it well.

ps. love the blog; say hi and a big belly rub to KY

Chumplet said...

'Outraged' is Papa Snark, right?

K.Irene said...

I thought I did really well on those reading comprehension tests in grade school.....I really pooped out on this. The only relative I could think of (other than Grandmother Snark) was George Clooney's future love child.

HawkOwl said...

Wow. I don't know whether to be flattered, or... not quite.

Anonymous said...

I am relatively new to this blog but have done some research into the archives. The amount of advice and professional criticism Miss Snark has offered up is unbelieveable. I have never heard of a successfull agent sharing so much of her time to the faceless masses just b/c she wants to help. We are entitled to nothing. Quit complaining.

Georgiana said...

I'm a fairly new reader also, I came over via TNH's post in April about the 20 worst agents and have been slowly reading through the snarkives ever since.

Thanks again Miss Snark, this was loads of fun.

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

The Bunions as a magazine? Now that's a good idea. But don't know if Big Toe (achem - Tarquini) is too busy over at Spinetingler to launch one. The rest of us Bunions are just lost without her. Lost.

Don said...

Speaking of Mr Clooney, If you go to imdb.com, you'll see the headline, "Clooney To Date Everyone To End Paparazzi Reign"

Alas, if you go beyond the headline, you'll find that "everyone" is "a-list beauties" with examples given of Halle Berry, Salma Hayek and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Anonymous said...

Bugger, I didn't think we were allowed to search the snarkives for answers.
So I didn't and failed the quiz.
Ah well.

ello said...

Boo! I went completely by memory (of which I am unfortunately deficient these days due to lack of sleep) only knew 4 for sure and one book (because I read Native Speaker at Miss. Snark's recommendation and loved it)title and so I didn't play. I didn't know you could cheat and look for the answers first. Grrrr. I could have gotten them all right!

By the way Miss. Snark, I do think you meant trademark and not patent for Yanno, being it is a phrase and all and not an invention...

Wonderful news about Maya, I hope that some day soon I shall be able to post a similar comment as I too have learned more from you than any book I've purchased.


jennifer said...

Well hey, where's "any book by Pete Fromm" on the list of Miss Snark's recommended reading? I didn't respond to the ealier quiz because I thought this answer, at least, was obvious...

Pixel Faerie said...

I think that was my Amulet answer mixed in there pasted. :) Yay.

I only remembered that because I've got it on audio on my PDA right now. ;)

And now I've added yet another book on writing on my to be ordered list... thanks to Pat Walsh. I think my book case is going to collapse.

Maya said...

Hey, Guys: It's only called cheating if you're in school and it's a "closed book" test.

The blog police don't come get you for doing a search on MS.

Anonymous said...

Wow, maya. Congratulations. I've been reading and commenting anon-ly here since Jan. Signed contract with wonder-agent in March.

My queries went out before I discovered La Snarque, but while I waited for responses to my partials and fulls I put together all her advice re contracts and avoiding nitwittery when THE CALL came. Invaluable stuff, that advice.

Still awaiting sale. Reading your post gave me such a lift.

Best wishes for a wonderful journey as a pubbed writer.


M. G. Tarquini said...

Paris Review? New Yorker?

*scrapes jaw off floor*
*returns to state of speechless awe over this blog*

nighttimer said...

Miss Snark, I knew there was something I liked about you (beyond your withering wit).

Pat Walsh's book should be on the shelf of EVERY aspiring--or failed author. If it had been available before I last sent out a horde of fruitless query letters, I could have saved myself time, money and misery.

I wrote Mr. Walsh to tell him how much I enjoyed the book and took his advice to heart. I have never done anything like that before.

It should be required reading in every English composition class.