My agent is a real turkey

Dear Miss Snark,

My agent is a real turkey. I was all set to feast at the publishing world table with my new book. Then he started dressing me down in front of my publisher and now my gravy deal is at risk. He soured my mood so badly I want to cream him. I might be small potatoes but I still want to mash him for messing up my sweet deal. I mean sure, maybe my book is a corny one, but I still wanted to squash him.

He’s a good egg most of the time so maybe he just bumped his noggin. I mean, he’s been acting like a pumpkin head and has crazy pie in the sky ideas. After the meeting I tried to butter up my publisher. I figure I’ll just roll with the punches.

Any suggestions? Thanks for giving your advice.

I called your agent just to make sure you'd given me the full meal deal. He said "I yam what I yam".


Anonymous said...

This (gas) too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

Well done; imaginative. I loved the response as much as the e-mail. At least no one flipped the bird, or ate the proverbial wing and a prayer, or even got their mouth stuffed for going on too long...

Lauren said...

I hope Grandmother Snark has a turkey and all the trimmings ready for you tomorrow. If not (!), just sentence her to a week on the slush pile.

Happy Thanksgiving, MS.

S said...

Damn... I'm trying to find a way to work "tofurkey" in there, but it's just not happenin'. Neither is veggie lasagna, which by the way I need to get rolling on. Hey! Roll-ing. Get it?

Man, this is a tough crowd!

ORION said...

A piquant little post. Robust yet tantilizingly fresh. In the beginning I get a faint taste of woods...cedar? pine? maybe through the snow? A bouquet of horse or sleigh? Essence of grandmother Snark's house with a finish of - citrus - NO.
No. It's fruity.
Definitely fruity.
And maybe a little nuts too.

Jude Hardin said...

"I buried Paul."

A free trip to Rabittania to the first Snarkling who gets this reference in the context of this post.

No Googling allowed!

Bonnie S. Calhoun said...

Sounds like the beginning to a real turkey dinner to me!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Anonymous said...

As a child, I was always told that when someone wronged you, the proper course of action was to turducken the other cheek.

Anonymous said...

Cranberry sauce, Jude. :) Thanks for the memories.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Ray said...

With cup of joe in hand, I salute thee! Turkey day has arrived, the BBQ is to be lit and the meat put on to smuk, smuk, smuk while the cook imbibes.

Well, not right off.

Best wishes to all, and to all, take it easy. This is supposed to be fun. What? Oh yeah? So's yomama! $z%#!@#*(^%





Ellen said...

I wouldn't worry too much about the agent's comments. After all, every feast deserves a good whine.

Anonymous said...

Jude: Thanks for the flashback! I've gotta "hand" it to you for being so clever. I'd give you a red rose, but I'm all out.

Hmmm...Jude? Love that bit of irony.

Anonymous said...

Jude, where is cranberry sauce oin the post?

Do you know, if you play "Paperback Writer" backwards, it says "Retirw Kcabrepap"?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you need to dessert this agent and start buttering up another.

Miss Snark said...

Clues in the comment column?
Dear Dog in heaven, is this the new DaVinci Snarque?

I have no clue what "I buried Paul" is but you can email the ammo for the clue cannon if you take pity.

Anonymous said...

Enjoying the sage words at this feast of folly.


Linda Maye Adams said...

LOL! :)

Anonymous said...

There goes my diet.

Thanks a lot, people!

(waves fist in the air)

P. S. Hey, writer, could I get a slice of your agent?

I was just asking, no need to throw stuffing!

Anonymous said...

This cracked me up. It made my Turkey Day!

Anonymous said...

Inquiring minds want to know:

Is this agent indeed a turkey, or a yam?

Maybe its a genetically engeneered agent, you know, a turkeyam.

What a great idea for a book...

Dibs on the drumstick!

Jude Hardin said...

Good job, Anne! You were the first to provide the correct answer.

There was a theory in the early 70s that Paul McCartney died, and that he was replaced by a double. Those who believed the theory found all sorts of clues on Beatles albums. One of them was on the end of the song "Strawberry Fields" where it sounds like someone says "I buried Paul." John Lennon claimed that he was just goofing around in the recording session and said "Cranberry sauce."

Thus the Thanksgiving reference I was going for. Thanks for the fun, Miss Snark!

Hope y'all had a great one!