Thanks? I think NOT

All this giving thanks stuff must stop at once!!

Surely you know Miss Snark is here only for her own cruel amusement.
Please stop benefiting from her snarls, and worse, writing to thank her.

She's under investigation from the Snarque Association as it is; some foul "old softie marshmallow" comment was flung around recently and they got wind of it.

This kind of thing is just wellll...NICE! We can't have nice - not HERE!

A few of the more egregious examples:

My book is coming out next fall. Your crapometer comments on it last year were wildly encouraging. Would you mind if I gave you a shout out in my acknowledgements?

Thank you. Certainly, for your kind words on my crapometer entry, but most of all for running the exercise at all. Your generosity with your time and expertise are deeply appreciated. Your blog shaped a clueless amateur into a half-decent writer and eventual pro.

You don't get paid for the help you give us. Only seems fair you should know it's appreciated.

Thank you for your blog. Through your posts, you helped me find representation that suits me and my novel perfectly, in a relatively small number of queries, with a minimal amount of nitwittery on my part. (It could have gone much, much worse!)

And due to a particular springtime post in which you featured answers from agents not yourself, I found the agency that became mine.

On Tuesday you referred me to Agent Eager. On Wednesday I sent her a query. Today I signed an author agreement

PS: Top Secret, For your eyes only.
Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving.


Bernita said...

Thank you, Miss Snark Dear - this day and every day.
For Snarkaholics there is no recovery and no remission.

Kim Stagliano said...

Oh I was so close to emailing you a HTG message myself! Then I recalled your post: MISS SNARK IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Not sure about that, as I had many imaginary friends as a child who got me out of countless scrapes.

I am grateful today for a new job for my husband, another plank in the platform I'm working on for myself (a Huffpo Fearless Voices post!) and family and friends, including those I've met through blogs like this.

HAPPY TANQ'sgiving, Miss Snark.

(PS) I'll bet you love ripping that wishbone apart, yes?)

Elektra said...

Are we still allowed to heart Miss Snark?

And you can always send KY after any Snarque officials--provided he's not too busy eyeing the turkey.

Katie said...

I should think your comments would be overflowing with grateful remarks from agents and editors!

Oh well, this will have to do. I got addicted to this blog so fast it's a little scary. So I guess I should say thank you... although my primary interest is dogs, so could you please pass that along to Killer Yapp? When he's done shredding my gratitude, he can give what's left to you, and you can put it on a toothpick and swizzle your martini with it.

Liane Gentry Skye said...

You're killing me here.

Even worse, I actually blogged about you today. Well, actually, it was more about me, but your name did come up. And George Clooney's. And the word naked. ;c)

The Unpretentious Writer said...

Miss Snark is not your friend

Certainly true. She's the big, hulking senior in the locker room who beats the snot out of you with a wet towel when you screw up on the field, but then you remember fondly during an interview on your signing deal with an NFL team.

:) j/k, MS - HTG!

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Happy Thanksgiving, my friend!

Miss Snark said...


writerdog said...

Egregious. Kindness and consideration? We will have NONE of it, none I say.

Miss Snark embodies snarkiness, ruthlessness and honesty.

Qualities not appreciated in the PC world.

Katie said...

Surely this is a reference to your hulking intellect.

ORION said...

I mentioned you in my blog too!
I thank you for adding a bright spot in my mornings and something to do right after - like clean off my keyboard.

Kim said...

Happy Thanksgiving to MS and all the Snarkaholics out there! I found this blog by accident - and I'm thankful I did :)


nut said...

Miss Snark is a great influence on my everyday life!

When the cop stopped me for jay walking and asked my name, I said Bat Segundo.

When my 6 yr old woke up and said "mommy I had a dream about pink unicorns and flowers" I snapped: "Sweety, what did mommy tell you, before? That's right... Never begin with dream sequences!"

When an old lady accused me of cutting in line, I told her to go back to Rabitania.

When my kid's teacher sent me a list of complaints, I wrote back, asking her to submit it to crapometer.

When the president... Oh, you get the point.

Thanks a lot, for making me snork assorted liquids through my nose, on dayly basis.

Oh, and you'll be hearing from my lawyer...

Writerious said...

Only the attitude that's "hulking," I'm sure. Hulks and stiletto pumps don't go together. (Except maybe at a certain bar downtown, but let's not go there.)

Every day that shows new stuff from Miss Snark on my RSS feed is a little bit brighter. It means that many more nudges away from nitwittery and toward professionalism. This blog should be required reading -- in its entirety -- before one's first submission to an agent or editor.

MichaelPH said...

Many thanks to Miss Snark, on behalf of a children's lit writer who is shedding his nitwit ways one goof at a time. I would really hate to look back at my queries from two years ago!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Stephen Parrish said...

Thanks for making what we do a Lot Less Lonely.

Ben over at Bleak House Books said...

Happy Snarksgiving from Wisconsin. I heard a rumor--straight from the grapevine, mind you--that KY was out hunting cranberries. Is that true?

Miss Snark said...

Killer Yapp is hunting up Candy From Strangers.

kiss-me-at-the-gate said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Miss Snark and Snarklings!

whitemouse said...

:::Hugs Miss Snark:::

(But carefully, since happiness on Turkey Day is often orthogonal to being squeezed.)

Chumplet said...

It's not Thanksgiving here, but Happy Thanksgiving anyway! Did you watch the parade? Did it actually happen? I heard it was too windy for Snoopy.

Miss Snark, I heart you, too. I like to tickle your funny bone, and I don't mean that in a kinky way.

Nell Dixon said...

I was very appreciative of the comments given to my entry in the Crapometer. My romantic comedy, Things To Do was subsequently bought by Samhain publishing and will be in print just before Christmas. Without the crapometer I wouldn't have had the courage to send it anywhere.

one reader said...

I thank you, again and again.

McKoala said...

Have a great time this Thanksnarking.

Brady Westwater said...

May your turkey be saoked in gin and your giblets safe from Ky.

illiterate said...

At least the addiction you're causing is healthy.

Happy Thanksgiving, Miss Snark!

Now I'm going back in line, for my nitwit tag.

LindaBudz said...

Just had to post, because my verification word is:


Giving thanks to Miss Snark? Tsk! Shhh!

I am thankful for family and friends. And for the fact that I finished my agent's revision suggestions yesterday ... so now it's on to marketing the finished manuscript! At last! At last!

And yes, I am thankful for this blog.

NitWitness said...

Miss Snark?

You will make it over to Whoville next month to terrorize the locals, right?

Tattieheid said...

NICE! We can't have nice - not HERE!

Ok. We don't do Thanksgiving over here anyway.

....Aw what the heck I have a soft spot for marshmallows anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving to all including Miss Snark and KY, have a nice time.

Midnight Oil said...

On behalf of the writers who work at 1:45 in the morning, (or procrastinate by reading this blog), I am thankful for Miss Snark.

Anonymous said...

Happy Thanksgiving Miss S from Australia. Think you're a bit of alright.

Swordswinger said...

Despite my innate British cynicism and gloom - I'm grateful for my friends, my family, the new boyfriend (grin) the fact that I have an agent (yay!) and discovering this blog....

Miss Snark Rocks

Happy Thanksgiving

WitLiz Today said...

BAH HUMBUG! There, does that make you feel better MS? And for my next impression of the impressively imposing, impossible, imsubordinate, imhumane, MS....


Hmmm...don't like that one? Ok, how about this:

"Court is now in session. The Honourable Hanging Judge, Miss Snark, is presiding."

Judge Snark: Will the defendant please rise? ... Madame Foreman, have you reached your verdict?

Atty F Lee Bailey: Your honor! I object!! We haven't had a trial yet!!!

Judge Snark: Mr. Bailey, approach the bench....WHACK!!! Mr. Bailey this is my courtroom and what I say goes. Now go sit your ass down before I find you in contempt of court!

Judge Snark: Oh, look at the time. Bailiff approach the bench...(whisper)

Bailiff: (whisper) Yes, your honour. Mr. Clooney is waiting for you in your chambers!

Judge Snark: Court is now adjourned until Monday morning at 9:00am!.....possibly Tuesday...maybe Wednesday...Oh, F'k it. Bailiff clear out my damn calendar!

Bailiff: Yes, your honour!

Kate Pearce said...

I am thankful for listening to Ms Snark's advice about changing agents. I did and now I have a new publishing contract with Kensington Aphrodisia for 2 erotic historical romances.