Dear Miss Snark,
I am a moron. So I was sitting here today, muddling through the job I loathe, growing more impatient with each second as I finish up my novel, and my impatience got the better of me. I figured, what the heck, I'll send some e-queries to the agents on Agent Query that show they accept them. I fired off four before it dawned on me that I am being ridiculous in trying to query about a book I have neither finished nor reviewed.
I now have four queries floating out there. I'm terrified. What the hell do I do if they ask for the freakin' manuscript? Fess up?
You know, in a way this is your fault. I was perfectly happy plodding along then I read about the upcoming Crapometer and wrote my 250 word hook. I saw it, loved it, and just have to whip it out and wave it around so I could get those love letters in return. So I was thinking, would you float me $100,000 until I get my royalties? Honest injun, my books going to be great, I give you my word as a gentleman. I just need to quit my job so I can finish it before everyone starts asking for a manuscript and I look like the ass that Iam.
Anticipating your positive response,
Here's a picture of the last guy I lent money to