12.23.2006

crapometer status

still alive!
sometimes that's the best measure of a day here at Snark Central!

We're done for the day.
Killer Yapp has expressed an interest in seeing if reindeer really know how to fly so we're off to the petting zoo.

19 comments:

Brady Westwater said...

Not sure if this works as a hook. Where's the conflict? Who's the antagonist?

Dee Power said...

On The First Day of New Year My Agent Gave to Me
By Dee Power copyright 2006

On the first day of New Year my agent gave to me
A contract for my rep to be

On the second day of New Year my agent gave to me
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the third day of New Year my agent gave to me
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the fourth day of New Year my agent gave to me
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the fifth day of New Year my agent gave to me
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the sixth day of New Year my agent gave to me
Six editors bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the seventh day of New Year my agent gave to me
Seven offers landing
Six editors bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the seventh day of New Year my agent gave to me
Seven offers landing
Six editors bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the eighth day of New Year my agent gave to me
Eight contracts waiting
Seven offers landing
Six editors bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the ninth day of New Year my agent gave to me
Ninety thousand advancing
Eight contracts waiting
Seven offers landing
Six editors bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the tenth day of New Year my agent gave to me
Ten more rights a selling
Ninety thousand advancing
Eight contracts waiting
Seven offers landing
Six editors bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

On the eleventh day of New Year my agent gave to me
Eleven weeks bestselling
Ten more rights a selling
Ninety thousand advancing
Eight contracts waiting
Seven offers landing
Six editors bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be


On the twelfth day of New Year my agent gave to me
Twelve months till we start again.
Eleven weeks bestselling
Ten more rights a selling
Ninety thousand advancing
Eight contracts waiting
Seven offers landing
Six editors a bidding
Five - days - to - auction
Four plot changes
Three revisions
Two critiques
And a contract for my rep to be

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss Snark,
Damn the crapometer.
I've missed you.
Now, get on a plane and cross the county and crawl into my bed.

Yours,
George

BernardL said...

That was a most entertaining and educating Snark day. Thank You!

Writerious said...

Miss Snark and KY ARE taking Christmas Eve and Christmas off, I hope? The crapometer can wait. Eggnog and roasting chestnuts come first.

Chumplet said...

Holy cow! 400 already? I haven't even got my laundry done!

JPD said...

The antagonist is Miss Snark. The hero is KY. The tension is all the yapping and snarling that takes place as MS tries to dress KY into his elfling suit, complete with flashing nose...

JPD (Go dog, go! Fight the power!)

CM said...

No, no. It's the reindeer that's the antagonist:

For three thousand years, the reindeer have grazed peacefully. But now, King Prongs has awakened. He's gone on a rampage through the dog population, killing with hooves and teeth and antlers. But when he tramples KY's best friend, Slayer Dundee, he's gored one Laborador Retriever too many. King Prongs is going down, KY vows.

If, that is, he can awaken Miss Snark from her gin-soaked reveries in time to unlock the door. Damn the lack of opposable thumbs.

Anonymous said...

hey miss snark -

do you think criminals as brilliant and cool as george clooney and brad pitt are in Oceans 11 -really exist?

e

JPD said...

CM, that just did it for me... I can hear KY barking at MS to wake up, the hoofs on the roof, kicking in the window-panes and trampling the gutters, KY trying make his gawdamned thumbs rotate so he can just open a friggin' doorknob on his own and put an end to this madness!

JPD (Watching far too much Wallace and Gromit, lately...)

McKoala said...

Merry Snarkmas! It's Christmas Eve here and the reindeer are a-gathering. By the time you wake up we'll already be well into Christmas lunch. Ho ho ho!

McKoala said...

KY, if reindeer really can fly they won't be in the petting zoo.

katiesandwich said...

JPD:

There is no such thing as too much Wallace and Gromit.

Now where's my cheese?

Inkwolf said...

Does anyone else find themselves writing hooks inside their head all the time these days? Hooks for novels they never intend to write?

Every time I let my brain go into neutral, it starts coming up with stuff like 'Beth Ann never saw a purple cow...until the day one fell through her roof and into the bathtub. It was Moovil, overlord of the cow goddesses, who had been knocked off course by the foul demons of Nondairy. Moovil told her that she (Beth Ann)was the prophesied Milkmaid, the chosen one who would save all cowkind. Now, Beth Ann finds herself caught up in a war to free the world from the Nondairy demons. But can she really win? And is she really on the right side? Day by day, the danger increases and her cholesterol levels rise..."

I obviously need to go soak my head...

JPD said...

Thanks for the kind words, Katie! Have a very, Merry Christmas! You too, MS! Bark, bark; bark, bark, bark, KY!

JPD (wearing the wrong trousers, yet again...)

kitty said...

Southern Writer, with the help of others, has put together a video THANK YOU:

Miss Snark's Happy Hooker Crapstravaganza I

...

Anonymous said...

inkwolf, that was awesome.

Luc2 said...

Inkwolf's hook is very funny, but a bit too close to my (serious) hook for comfort.
I'm toast.

cm allison said...

Enjoy your Christmas OFF Mis Snark, play with KY, visit with Grandma Snark, tip a few with George. I (and all the others still to be snarked can wait.) Even my Scrooge of a Boss has given us the day off. Give yourself several!