12.26.2006

HH 435 (#432 and 433 AND 434 are recovering from too much egg nog)

What if your job grew more chaotic every day?(hook starts here--->) Stephen Connelly is used to the controlled chaos of the software world, where he leads a team of hyper-intelligent, over-caffeinated nerds with few social boundaries for one of Boston’s hottest companies. But when his team is sent to Los Angeles to work for an entertainment startup that wants to bring reality TV to the Internet, they are plunged into a swirling maelstrom of agents and actresses, psychics and dilettantes – and a mime with a vicious left hook – with explosive results. Moving from the icy streets of Boston to the sun-drenched beaches of LA and back again, the story ricochets across the country with increasing hilarity as the project careens out of Stephen's control, leading ultimately to a standoff with the LAPD and Homeland Security.

no specifics, no plot, no antagonist.

7 comments:

Inkwolf said...

The mime sounded interesting. :p But you need a murder in there or something...

writtenwyrdd said...

This is a reality show,and I really want to watch it. I'd watch paint dry if a crew like that were involved. A mind might be a terrible thing not to have (according to Dan Quayle) but if you have it, having free time to use it unfocused results in bizarre events. (Can you tell I worked at a software firm?)

forget foosball and Jolt Cola, I want to see these guys try to solve a murder or something. Or learn to surf. Or try to be cool and hook up with the rich and famous.

Anonymous said...

If I were the writer, I would assume the lack of comments on this one revealed a lack of interest in the story. That may or may not be true. You could get out your rolling pin and work this into something interesting, but you've presented a shriveled up version of the story here.

Try writing the story in first person for a while and see if that breathes a little life into it. You don't have to commit to it.

dana p said...

You've got my interest. This one sounds like it could be fun. And even in this short hook, the author's skill with language shines through. (The more crapometer entries I read, the more I realize just how rare -- and precious -- a skill that is.)

MWT said...

This does sound like it has a lot of potential for something strongly character-driven. No outside antagonist needed; just put the characters already mentioned into a room together and watch what happens. They will come up with interesting conflicts all by themselves.

It might just be a personal preference thing for Miss Snark to always want some kind of outside antagonist or conflict in everything.

WickedSmaht said...

Thanks for the comments, all. I have a longer description in my query letter, but somewhere in the runup to the COM I got the idea that I didn't need to have a synopsis of the plot, so I just tested the hook portion of the book description. Plus, ;my hook and synopsis were 310 words, and I just didn't feel like trying to cut 60 of them.

After reading 200 or more hooks over the past week (I skipped quite a few), I have a much better idea of what I can do to polish my query further. Next stop: QueryLand!

dana p said...

Good luck in QueryLand, author! I hope to find this on a bookshelf some day.