When therapist Megan Chase promises listeners of her new radio call-in show she'll slay their personal demons, they believe her.
Unfortunately, so do the personal demons.
Megan doesn't know she's the only human alive without a personal demon on her shoulder. This, coupled with her psychic abilities, makes her a valuable weapon for any demon "family" lucky enough to gain her allegiance. It also makes her such a serious threat to the personal demons they bring a soul-sucking creature of primordial evil known as The Accuser to help them defeat her. The Accuser has an old score to settle with Megan anyway, and sees this as the perfect time to do it.
But Megan isn't without allies as she's plunged back into a world she forgot existed. A member of a competing demon family sees Megan as his ticket to power, and sets about both protecting and seducing her with devilish intensity.
Can Megan, her new demon lover, a witch with poor social skills, and three cockney guard demons named Malleus, Maleficarum, and Spud defeat not only The Accuser, the personal demons, and the ghosts of Megan's past, but the reporter who threatens to destroy Megan's career as well?
There's a hook.
And dog love us "a witch with poor social skills" is not (very tactfully) named Miss Snark.
Winner of course. Who couldn't want to know more about a demon named Spud?
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33 comments:
Hee, that's just charming. A very light touch, and super easy to read. Loffly.
Not something I would personally read, but the hook is well done.
RT
YEAHHH, this sounds like good fun!
I've been considering doing a story where the protagonist comes face to face with his personal demons, but I think you've got a more interesting angle on it. :p
Did this make EE too or did I dream this up?
Dear dawg! I might want to acquire this one if the writing is good.
This sounds great!!
I reamember this from EE, MUCH better hook here, WTG author! Hope i do better also.
Crud. I had a similar idea (not identical, but similar) after reading Rachel Vater's blog. I guess I won't be doing anything with it, since this sounds much better than mine. :)
Good luck with it! I would definitely read it (and if you want a beta reader, let me know - promise I won't steal it. :)
Demons on your shoulder?
THE GOLDEN COMPASS, anyone?
This sounds like a lot of fun, i would love to read it!
I was going to say that: Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials. No matter the hook, the demon device is not fresh or original.
A demon named Spud. It sounds rather Monty Pythonesque, "Some call me Tim." I like the witch with poor social skills.
Yup. I'd read this one.
Funny...after reading all of these, I can spot a winner almost immediately -- they have a special scent to them ;)
Looks like you take the 'personal demon' cliche and turn it on it's head. Way to go!
The only way I'd read this is if you substituted pansy-ass husbands for personal demons. And keep the name Spud.
Ha Ha
Am I the only one who thinks it's a little cheap to use a question as a hook?
Can Megan defeat the demons?
Will she teach the witch please and thank you?
Does she quit her job at the radio station to open a NY deli in New Mexico?
I hear a voice over: Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion to WHY DEMONS SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO XM RADIO.
"So we meet again, Mr. Bond!" LOL
Putting it on EE paid off. This version is much better.
Congrats from sunny Scotland. :)
yeah, i thought about pullman's books too, with the personal daemons. no copyright on that, of course. but still... too close for comfort?
Wow, this really is much better than the query sent to EEs blog. You should definitely use some version of this in your future query letters.
Thank you so much, Miss Snark and Snarklings!
I very much appreciate your reading the hook and sharing your thoughts.
And yes, it was on EE, and the comments I got there did help. So thanks to the minions as well.
Lol Hawkowl.
I'm not seeing the close similarity to Pullman's offerings that others see. His daemons are familiars (not exactly a new idea), sort-of spirit entities that are alter egos of the individual (again, hardly unique). What we have here looks more like a demon mafia.
And, as others have said, this query has improved loads since it was up on EE's.
All occult-demon-whoo-whoo hooks are alike in the dark.
This definitely sounds like fun! Love the idea of a socially deficient witch. :-) And Spud, of course.
no copyright on that, of course. but still... too close for comfort?
Since the ancient Hebrews talked about a class of demons who sat on men's shoulders to lead them astray, I doubt Pullman could get a coyright on the idea.
I love this. Congrats!
Much improved from EE -- great job! Your EE query was basically a giant synopsis.
The "demon named Spud" concept reminds me more of Sluggy Freelance, where there was a demon named "Skippy". From Wikipedia:
"Skippy: A light blue, mucus (or bubble gum) like demon that worked with K'Z'K. He was summoned when a man named Bob attempted to read a Bazooka Joe comic after a printing error had caused its ink to run into runes of pure evil."
"The Hammer of the Witches" and "Spud". Yes, it does have a certain ring to it....
Ok - I would read this for three reasons:
1. Malleus
2. Maleficarum
3. Spud
How could you not love a cockney demon guard named Spud?
Too much!
Count me in on this one!
I liked it before and I love it now. Way to go auther.
Good hook. I'm only just now getting to the point in my writing where I would even CONSIDER showing it to other people to get their opinions. I'm not quite to the point where I'm ready for something like this.
But I would definitely love to see a book if this was the blurb I'd read about it.
Good going, December Quinn! I remember when this was up on EE's blog. You've improved it tremendously.
This sounds like something I'd love to read! :-)
~JerseyGirl
Or, author, as the case may be.
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