12.16.2006

HH Com 100

When therapist Megan Chase promises listeners of her new radio call-in show she'll slay their personal demons, they believe her.

Unfortunately, so do the personal demons.

Megan doesn't know she's the only human alive without a personal demon on her shoulder. This, coupled with her psychic abilities, makes her a valuable weapon for any demon "family" lucky enough to gain her allegiance. It also makes her such a serious threat to the personal demons they bring a soul-sucking creature of primordial evil known as The Accuser to help them defeat her. The Accuser has an old score to settle with Megan anyway, and sees this as the perfect time to do it.

But Megan isn't without allies as she's plunged back into a world she forgot existed. A member of a competing demon family sees Megan as his ticket to power, and sets about both protecting and seducing her with devilish intensity.

Can Megan, her new demon lover, a witch with poor social skills, and three cockney guard demons named Malleus, Maleficarum, and Spud defeat not only The Accuser, the personal demons, and the ghosts of Megan's past, but the reporter who threatens to destroy Megan's career as well?

There's a hook.
And dog love us "a witch with poor social skills" is not (very tactfully) named Miss Snark.

Winner of course. Who couldn't want to know more about a demon named Spud?

33 comments:

Jodi Meadows said...

Hee, that's just charming. A very light touch, and super easy to read. Loffly.

Anonymous said...

Not something I would personally read, but the hook is well done.

RT

Inkwolf said...

YEAHHH, this sounds like good fun!

I've been considering doing a story where the protagonist comes face to face with his personal demons, but I think you've got a more interesting angle on it. :p

Anonymous said...

Did this make EE too or did I dream this up?

Anonymous said...

Dear dawg! I might want to acquire this one if the writing is good.

Adinda said...

This sounds great!!

cm allison said...

I reamember this from EE, MUCH better hook here, WTG author! Hope i do better also.

Heather said...

Crud. I had a similar idea (not identical, but similar) after reading Rachel Vater's blog. I guess I won't be doing anything with it, since this sounds much better than mine. :)

Good luck with it! I would definitely read it (and if you want a beta reader, let me know - promise I won't steal it. :)

Anonymous said...

Demons on your shoulder?

THE GOLDEN COMPASS, anyone?

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a lot of fun, i would love to read it!

carrie_lofty said...

I was going to say that: Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials. No matter the hook, the demon device is not fresh or original.

A Paperback Writer said...

A demon named Spud. It sounds rather Monty Pythonesque, "Some call me Tim." I like the witch with poor social skills.
Yup. I'd read this one.

2readornot said...

Funny...after reading all of these, I can spot a winner almost immediately -- they have a special scent to them ;)

M. G. Tarquini said...

Looks like you take the 'personal demon' cliche and turn it on it's head. Way to go!

Anonymous said...

The only way I'd read this is if you substituted pansy-ass husbands for personal demons. And keep the name Spud.

Ha Ha

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thinks it's a little cheap to use a question as a hook?

Can Megan defeat the demons?
Will she teach the witch please and thank you?
Does she quit her job at the radio station to open a NY deli in New Mexico?

I hear a voice over: Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion to WHY DEMONS SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO XM RADIO.

HawkOwl said...

"So we meet again, Mr. Bond!" LOL

Tattieheid said...

Putting it on EE paid off. This version is much better.

Congrats from sunny Scotland. :)

ObiDonWan said...

yeah, i thought about pullman's books too, with the personal daemons. no copyright on that, of course. but still... too close for comfort?

Anonymous said...

Wow, this really is much better than the query sent to EEs blog. You should definitely use some version of this in your future query letters.

December Quinn said...

Thank you so much, Miss Snark and Snarklings!
I very much appreciate your reading the hook and sharing your thoughts.

And yes, it was on EE, and the comments I got there did help. So thanks to the minions as well.


Lol Hawkowl.

BuffySquirrel said...

I'm not seeing the close similarity to Pullman's offerings that others see. His daemons are familiars (not exactly a new idea), sort-of spirit entities that are alter egos of the individual (again, hardly unique). What we have here looks more like a demon mafia.

And, as others have said, this query has improved loads since it was up on EE's.

Anonymous said...

All occult-demon-whoo-whoo hooks are alike in the dark.

S. W. Vaughn said...

This definitely sounds like fun! Love the idea of a socially deficient witch. :-) And Spud, of course.

Anonymous said...

no copyright on that, of course. but still... too close for comfort?


Since the ancient Hebrews talked about a class of demons who sat on men's shoulders to lead them astray, I doubt Pullman could get a coyright on the idea.

Virginia Miss said...

I love this. Congrats!

Rei said...

Much improved from EE -- great job! Your EE query was basically a giant synopsis.

The "demon named Spud" concept reminds me more of Sluggy Freelance, where there was a demon named "Skippy". From Wikipedia:

"Skippy: A light blue, mucus (or bubble gum) like demon that worked with K'Z'K. He was summoned when a man named Bob attempted to read a Bazooka Joe comic after a printing error had caused its ink to run into runes of pure evil."

luna_the_cat said...

"The Hammer of the Witches" and "Spud". Yes, it does have a certain ring to it....

Kim said...

Ok - I would read this for three reasons:

1. Malleus
2. Maleficarum
3. Spud

How could you not love a cockney demon guard named Spud?

Too much!

Count me in on this one!

Anonymous said...

I liked it before and I love it now. Way to go auther.

ghostmommylady said...

Good hook. I'm only just now getting to the point in my writing where I would even CONSIDER showing it to other people to get their opinions. I'm not quite to the point where I'm ready for something like this.

But I would definitely love to see a book if this was the blurb I'd read about it.

~Nancy said...

Good going, December Quinn! I remember when this was up on EE's blog. You've improved it tremendously.

This sounds like something I'd love to read! :-)

~JerseyGirl

Anonymous said...

Or, author, as the case may be.