HH Com 109

Chapter One

So then, to set the record straight, it wasn’t as if she’d planned driving across the United States with her insane mother. For one thing, she was only fourteen and as crazy as America seemed on TV, she didn’t think it was legal for her to get behind the wheel of a car (let alone barrel down the highway at seventy or eighty miles an hour.) For another, while she thought that maybe, just maybe, she could see living there one day, all she’d wanted now was a simple holiday in New York. See her Mum. Do a little shopping. In other words, have a normal visit, one where there wouldn’t be any shouting or arguing or the slamming of doors. But unfortunately, this isn’t going to happen.

Instead, an hour off the plane, she finds herself in the middle of Times Square, on a sweltering July evening, watching as her mother climbs up onto the hood of a cherry-red 1957 Corvette. The crowds swarming around them, the neon lights shimmering in the haze, she punches her fist in the air, a smile of triumph on her lips. “Gemma,” she cries. “Gemma, my love. Tonight we’re going to make history!”

And so, quite sadly, it becomes apparent that this visit is even going to be more a disaster than the last (the one with the state troopers and the drunken shotgun-wielding clown). Oh no, Gemma sighs. No, no, no, no, no. This will not do. At all.

This isn't a hook, it's a first page.
It's also not bad.
You can modify this into a hook using either the first paragraph or the second and taking out all the (while, instead) time connectors.

Give us a little more of the set up and what the problem is--other than the insane idea of a 1957 cherry red corvette parked in Times Square.


Anonymous said...

On the one hand, I love "drunken shot-gun wielding clown." On the other, I'm so done with "daughters and their crazy mother" genre. But I do love "drunken shot-gun wielding clown", so I'd ask for pages.

HawkOwl said...

Teenagers. Blah. Teenagers doing things teenagers can't do. Blah-er. Teenagers doing things teenagers can't do for the sake of coping with their insane mother. Blah-est.

You know what's a good book about a teenager with a difficult mother? White Oleander by Janet Fitch.

michaelgav said...

It's not a hook, I realize, but I would turn the damn page and see what's next.

I like the voice here, and I love the last paragraph.

Keetha said...

I'd keep reading.