HH Com 112

When God created Lucifer, he named him the Adversary. This was not, in itself, a bad thing because God needed perspective; someone to bounce ideas off and tell him when he was being
hypocritical, over-critical, or just plain stupid.

Lucifer applauded creation. He applauded Eden and the first mortals too, but when God banished Lilith for being too outspoken, he put his foot down and helped her to escape. When Adam and Eve were thrown out of the Garden for eating the fruit of the Tree of
Knowledge and went their separate ways, he fell in love.

“Mourning Light” is the apocryphal story of the wise and generous Lucifer doing his best for the poor antediluvian mortals that God seems intent upon wiping from the Earth. Surely there must be some worth saving, and not just his own lad, Cain.

After all, if you put a tub of ice-cream in a garden full of children, why would you expect them to heed the sign that says “Don’t eat this”?

You wrote this after I did that post "Why Miss Snark Loves Satan" right?
This is pretty funny but there's no indication of a plot, or a focal point of the story.

It's a good premise and an interesting idea but it's not yet hook. Back to the tree of knowledge for more applesauce.


Mtanz said...

Hi author, have you read "Not wanted on the Voyage" by Timothy Findley? If not, you should. I like your premise. Flesh it out a little and it will be a good hook.

word ver: oywht -- Oy, what?

Anonymous said...

I liked it. But that last sentence seemed unnecessary and out of place. Surely, anyone conversant with the story of Adam and Eve has heard that analogy or something like it before. And after you mention Cain you should include more of what Lucifer's adventures with those wacky mortals.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, the "good Lucifer" plot has been done quite a bit in the SF/F genre, and the "good girl falls in love with the bad boy" subplot is a staple, too. You're going to need to show some of the uniqueness of your story to entice people.

Dave said...

Milton paints a noble and royal Lucifer in Paradise Lost.
Tey presents a fallen angel destroying the dinful in Dialogues with the Devil.

This, sounds like Lucifer learns sigma six, TQM, ISO 900 and the 7 Habits. It makes Lucifer common and boring. It isn't working to hook the reader.

HawkOwl said...

I don't need backstory on Lucifer. Also, I think you totally missed God's point. If I tell my girls to leave something alone I expect they'll do it, because I trust them and they trust me. Same with God. He believed in his people and he thought they believed in him. Plus we've had quite a few hooks for "unconventional" takes on the God/Lucifer dialectic so far, and not only were they cooler than yours, but also it's sounding less and less unconventional every time.

Virginia Miss said...

You had me with the first two paragraphs, but then it dissolved.

Is it me, or we seeing a lot of Lucifer stories this round?

Simon Haynes said...

Dave: "destroying the dinful"

Dinful perfectly describes my previous set of neighbours.

Rei said...

Well, *I* liked it, apart from the last sentence. Overkill.

luna_the_cat said...

Hmmm...Mike Carey's "Lucifer" comic series did much of this, though without the friendliness.

Anonymous said...

I liked this a lot, mainly because it's obvious you're a really good writer.

thraesja said...

I think this could be quite funny. It's been explored before, but not often with a decent sense of humour. You will offend quite a few people, but I liked your voice. I want to hear a version that can make Cain look good.
Lose the ice cream comment; the implied relationship with Eve is a good ending. Insert a bit more plot, and good luck.