12.17.2006

HH Com 117

It is forbidden to venture out after dark. As a child, Selah opened her door and discovered why. Daytime, the priest protects the village from demons. Nighttime, the wind protects the village, but causes madness in anyone caught outside. Selah believed her encounter with the wind left her unscathed, because it did not drive her mad. Instead, it chose her as its champion, and its sacrifice. Selah never knew.

Now the wind is gone, stolen, leaving demons free to prey on the villagers whenever darkness falls. Everyone is worried, but only the priest truly understands the new danger. The village madman does, too, but no one listens to madmen.

When the priest dies mysteriously in Selah's arms, the villagers heap suspicions upon her. Fear drives them to lock her away with the madman, who reaffirms the village's need for the wind. He even insists Selah can bring it back--because she is the wind's champion.

But if the wind is restored--and the village under its double-edged protection once more--the wind will also expect its sacrifice.

This is a rundown of the course of action not a hook. You need to tell me why I should care. Assume the default position is that I don't. Now write something to persuade me. It's really hard I know but if you can't persuade me to read this, I can't sell it.

Nameless faceless demons are boring. Madmen are boring. Dead priests are boring.
You need something to invigorate this. How about you and previous poster collaborate and get some wind-up sex toys in the picture.....

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

See, I thought this one was good...

katiesandwich said...

For some reason, this reminds me of the movie The Village. If the book is well-written, I think it would be an interesting read.

Anonymous said...

I like this one a lot. It's definitely not your typical fantasy story. Sounds like the author has tried to do something different. Plus, I think the hook is well written.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I usually agree with Her Royal Snarkiness, but this time I'm in a completely different camp. I found this intriguing and well-written. Were this on the back of a book cover, I'd def. open to the first page to check it out.

ello said...

Hmmmmmm, this is probably an instance of where this doesn't fit in Miss. Snark's genres and so it would be harder to hook her. However, this is absolutely in a genre that I would read and it has completely hooked me. This story sounds really original and awesome. The idea of the wind protecting and driving one mad? Totally cool. I would definitely read this. Good luck author!

Anonymous said...

the book is well-written. *g* fantasy isn't miss snark's thing, remember?

-someone who knows. :D

Inkwolf said...

I'd read this book. Sounds great, as long as Selah's fight against the demons is exciting enough. :)

HawkOwl said...

The Village. My thought exactly. I think the concept has potential for a certain audience, but to me the plot was overdone. Also the writing needs to be a lot more exciting than this. Presumably the book is intended to create a sense of anxiety in the reader. "Suspense," if you will, but of the horror-movie kind. The hook was just plodding, so it doesn't inspire confidence. Not for me, but good luck with it.

Anonymous said...

I didn't care for the 'sex-toy' comment, but that's just me. I would read this book. It sounded both interesting and original.

Jodi Meadows said...

Thanks for your comments, Miss Snark! And thanks, comment people!

117

Anonymous said...

I would read this one. I was thinking The Village at first, but I think this is more what I wanted The Village to be.

wonderer said...

I'm a fantasy reader, and I was intrigued. The writing needs to be punched up, but the idea is fresh and interesting.

Anonymous said...

There was something authentic about this one. It intrigued me.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, The Village is the first thing that came to my mind too. I like these quirky scary books where villages are haunted by something and only one has the power to...., but the synopsis has to be real strong, because they have a tendency to be scary at the beginning, then get silly. But as a hook, I actually liked this.

Jodi Meadows said...

Thanks for the like, guys!

I'm totally head-desking about The Village-ness of the hook. The story itself isn't...really The Village-y. So I'm thinking about the best way to put into the hook that the demons and wind and stuff actually does have something to do with the plot and worldbuilding, and isn't meant to be spoooooky.

It's a quest story, with crazy people, romance, and too many boats.

Maybe I'll just use that as my hook. *grins*

Thanks again for all your comments! They've been very thought-provoking!

~Nancy said...

Fantasy - yes. This hooked me (I read through twice just to make sure it made sense to my chocolate-damaged brain ;-)).

Very interesting take with the double protectors (one being the wind!), and for once, a priest is written as a good guy (I get tired of priests/priestesses being written as bad/evil).

Nicely done, and as others have said, enough of a twist to make me want to pick it up.

Good luck!

~JerseyGirl