HH Com 126

How well do you really know your parents? Sometimes there comes a time when you realise that they keep secrets just like you.

The exotic island of Sunda is riddled with secrets. The forests are flourishing yet no animals are seen. A valley is full of stones where once there were people. Deeds and thoughts that may blemish a family’s reputation are hidden away at any cost. For two hundred years, people have suffered the Great Mother’s retribution for a terrible war.

In my YA fantasy ‘When fire sing’ fifteen year old Amirah longs for many things - to be accepted, to find love and to find answers. In particular, she wants to know what happened to her father and why it is forbidden to ever mention him.

Your hook starts here:
Her(Amirah's) life is thrown into turmoil when she is sent to Rindu, (the animals’ sanctuary) to save her family’s already bleak reputation. She meets Bima – strange and strangely helpful. Together they form an uneasy alliance, each with their own compelling reasons to find the birds of fire.

Amirah and Bima race against time, chased by those who use magic to warp the natural into the unnatural. Amirah begins to unravel a knot of intrigue, myth and magic – secrets involving her mother, father, the fate of the firebirds and even Bima are all exposed.

With the painful realisation that boundaries between black and white blur and truths are often grey, Amirah and Bima must choose between their families, the firebirds and each other.

I choose the firepit for everyone, starting with anyone who races against time.

Start with you main character. Describe her problem, and her dillemma. Be specific. You've got blather here now.

Leave Grandmother Snark out of it. I hope she has secrets. I really don't want to know how she got the tattoo that says "The King and I-Memphis 56"


Southern Writer said...

The King and I - Memphis 56?!!? Snort. That's brilliant.

HawkOwl said...

I don't like YA, I don't like the "uncovering truths" thing, and I don't like "racing against time," but your setting intrigued me and your sentences form meanings. I'd look at it.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't your title be "When Fire Sings" or "When Fires Sing" instead of "When Fire Sing"?

shelby said...

"The fire sing"? Did you mean "The Fire Sang"? Because the first kind of sounds like a caveman. I would like to hear more about the firebirds though. Is it a phoenix or a bird with lots of red fathers? Don't assume your audience is a group of ornithologists. Keep going with this. It's interesting.

Anonymous said...

I pretty much expected that after reading Miss Snarks comments to other hooks.Thanks for the other encouraging comments - much appreciated. And yes the title is wrong - put it down to a last minute word change and a crumb under the 's'!

Lay said...

Well, this is not a point that would count against the viability of the setting, but coincidentally "Sunda" is the traditional geographical and ethnographical term for West Java, the place where I live right now!

(And if you don't have a clue where it is, it's in Indonesia. Almost exactly half a world away from the U.S. of A.)

Anonymous said...

It also refers to much of the area of South East Asia. Actually the world 'Sunda'is Indonesian inspired. Untapped resource of a rich setting and culture.(Author -Teacher of Indonesian language and culture in Australia and frequent visitor!)

HawkOwl said...

So true. Personally I'd really like to use Batavia (before Krakatoa) as a setting.

Anonymous said...

I kinda have to put on my YA thinking cap when reading these YA hooks, but I would have been all over this when I was kid. Turning things to stone and firebirds is cool. Good luck.

carlynarr said...

This is much too vague to really hook, I think, but I also like the premise and the way you write. This could be good.