12.17.2006

HH Com 130

Shana Whitefoot is sucked into her recently murdered brother's world of espionage and intrigue when the last gift he sent her--a necklace reportedly dating back to ancient Babylon--earns a U.S. Army general's greedy attention.

Legend claims the brave soul who possesses the Amulet of the Annunaki can open the gates of hell and control its occupants, and the general has his eye on world domination. Shana will use every means necessary to stop him, including joining Indigo, a team of private mercenaries who travel the globe foiling conspiracies and fighting terrorism.


oh yawn. world domination again?
foiling mercenaries with Babylonian jewels? please.


This is a hook to be sure. It's also about as over used a plot as I've seen in lo these many crapfests.

Give Shana some new and interesting facet, I beg of you. Maybe the general wants to take over the world for a GOOD reason, and in fact, with the necklace he could inaugerate the Age of Tiffany in which all lunch boxes are blue, everyone has sparkly diamonds and is happy.

9 comments:

Kate said...

It does hook me, but I'm not sure that I'd want to read it. There's a lot of books on this same basic premise, and I've already read a couple of them. What makes your one different enough that it's not just a repeat of the others?

ShanaS said...

Love the character's name!

Pisica said...

I'm afraid the verb 'sucked' makes me think she's being drawn into a vacuum cleaner (or, perhaps, the gates of Hell).

An active verb in the first paragraph (sentence) would do wonders.

Anonymous said...

Knowing a lot of people in the military (don't ask) I won't say that any one of them might not be greedy, but presently military personel are seen as heroes--especially by family and friends left behind.

Lose the greedy general and make him a politician. Red or blue state, everyone hates them.

la fana de B.D said...

U like literaturi?
come in my name.

Writerious said...

Greedy general... paranormal secret covered up by the government... secret artifact...

Rings a bell...

Oh, yeah! Roswell conspiracy theories!

Yeah, I have to agree that the greedy U.S. general is a cliche, as is the bad, bad military and all their secrets. How about an honorable general and a bad, bad... um... corporate CEO? War profiteer? Media conglomerate? Oh, there must be something even fresher than those. Florists, maybe.

HawkOwl said...

What Miss Snark said. And I really want to read the one about the Age of Tiffany.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing it's king of a Lord of the Rings set in modern day. It could be cool, but the hook was a little too dry. Maybe more emphasis on the powers that would be unleashed, and the quest itself. One problem I have is, how do you introduce the information that the thing controls the forces of hell? If someone has used it, they'd be pretty tough to stop, right? There would have had to have been something else that deafeated them, and chopping the ring off the finger has been used. That's a tough one. Maybe warnins from an ancient civilization from distant stars that fought wars over the thng and chucked it into some primordial blob that exploded and became the Earth or something. Anyway. Don't give up on this. I like the possibilities.

thraesja said...

Indigo is a massive chain of book stores in Canada. Good thing you've made them the good guys. I can see the merchandizing now...