Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. In DARK HEIR, a completed 104,000 word fantasy, a backward world struggles with such magic, as a damaged sentient computer from a bygone technological age gives potent but flawed supernatural powers to certain individuals.
Your hook starts here:
Katirin is a princess of inconvenient parentage, confined to a convent to nullify her claim on the throne. When she discovers that the unworldly priestesses of the convent are really drones of the ancient computer - which is winding out of control and will eventually claim the minds of the entire kingdom - Katirin decides that she would rather save her nation than rule it.
Cementing her family's disapproval by fleeing both convent and country, Katirin strives to find and destroy the computer - an object she barely understands. The only person willing to help her is Arkadiy, prince of an enemy state, and the price he demands is that Katirin turn both traitor and assassin for him. More distressingly, his assistance consists of lending her the services of another of the computer's creations, a powerful but unstable "wizard" named Lethan, who seems more interested in learning to use the artifact than destroying it. Katirin will have to battle Lethan to keep him from protecting the object he helped her find.
As Katirin fights to save the nation she loves more than her own fierce ambitions, she must decide how much evil she will do in the name of accomplishing one act of good.
You've got the form down right once you dump the first paragraph. I'm not well versed enough in this genre to know if this has been done to death. I do know that the writing isn't compelling enough to make me want to read on. Part of that is that you've got long ass sentences. Short is good for building momentum. You don't need to be Hemingway or dog forbid James Ellroy, but full stops are our friends. (this bit of Brit punctuation speak brought to you by Eats, Shoots, and Leaves)