HH Com 145

Roar is a superhero. Born of a single mother and a sperm donor, she was gifted at birth with inexplicable muscle density that gave her great strength and speed. Choosing to forgo a costume, she lives without a secret identity.

Living as an “outed” superhero isn’t easy. The cops won’t accept her. Footgear won’t take no as an answer to their endorsement opportunity. Plus she faces the same challenges of any single woman. Like convincing her mother why she needs her own apartment and dodging her aunt’s efforts to set her up. After a bad break-up she’s focusing on being happy as a single superhero.

(your hook starts here)
When an explosion at a health clinic almost kills the city’s new mayor, Roar is hired as a bodyguard. Rayce Marquest is a dynamic politician committed to reforming the city’s healthcare system. A champion of holistic medicine, he believes his vision for reform has made him a target.

Roar’s good-guys-versus-bad-guys view of the world is rocked when she learns that the man the mayor believes is out to destroy him is her ex. The ex she’s still in love with.

Archer Galen is a pharmaceutical mogul who believes in better living through subscription drug use. He’s not out to kill the mayor. Although his personal secrets drove Roar away, he now needs her to trust him as people across the city are mysteriously dying from his drugs and he suspects the mayor knows why.

You've got a run down of the plot here not a hook. I'd focus less on the superhero stuff and just make it one of the quirky things about Roar (that name!) and incidental to the plot. Sort of like the stuff that goes on in the background of great comic movies.

Reforming the health care system is probably the weirdest murder motive I've seen all day but if you can make it work, more power to you.


Anonymous said...

"Subscription" drug use? Doesn't she mean "prescription"?

Anonymous said...

Subscription drug use? If you subscribe for two years at a time do you get a discount? Can you request a brown paper wrapper?

HawkOwl said...

I was loving the background on Roar, though there's already a single-female-superhero movie on right now. I liked the "outed superhero" angle. The part about the "ex-boyfriend she's still in love with" sap story and the crime and the mogul who just wants to be accepted or whatever that last paragraph was... Blah. A chick lit type thing with just the superhero's daily tribulations would have been way more novel.

Kim said...

Ok - with the day I'm having, I wish I had a subscription drug plan.

I'm not crazy about all of the soap opera names, though the heroine's is ok, simply because she's a superhero. Otherwise, I like the fact that it's a different sort of plot. I'm curious, though - is Archer the good guy or bad guy? Remember, I'm having the day from hell, so maybe it's just me.

Heather said...

The names make it sound like a bad romance novel.

Writerious said...

Roar? Rayce? Archer? Gak.

Sorry, the plot sound interesting (except a few chick-lit-ish points, but that's my personal taste), but the names are so over-the-top.

How come you never read about a superheroine named Betsy?

anon13 said...

I suppose you haven't heard of 'Roar', the TV show? It was hard to picture your female superhero when I had strapping, young, Irish men running through my head...

The show only ran for one season, so this might not be a big problem for you, but I can't be the only one who caught a few episodes.

Anonymous said...

:Editor checks this one over:

Oh, joy, another role-play gaming session turned into a novel. The lady's name is a sound effect?--what was her mom smoking when she hit on that one? Health care reform as a motive for murder, yeah, I guess it could be a homicidal candy-striper. Wish it was a candy stripper...I need a chocolate hit...and if I bring this the the acquisitions table without Terry Prachett's name on it then *I* will be the one getting hit. Repeatedly. Pass. Maybe Stan Lee will like it. A lady Spider--uh--person. Yeah, Stan the Man wants this one.

:Winces, drops it in the return pile, reaches for another submission.:

Anonymous said...

"she was gifted at birth with inexplicable muscle density that gave her great strength and speed" now ask yourself how and when did she find this out? Picture this in your head and than rephrase it.

I know where your getting with this and I like it. But, you might need to practice writing this just a tad bit more before sending this hook out into the world.

This could be something...

Anonymous said...

I never saw "Roar" I don't have much time for T.V. But, I love the Closure, Boston legal and anything on E.

But, now I can't get the " strapping, young, Irish men running through my head..." out of my head.

Thanks alot! anon13

chimeralife said...

Other than the names and the drug thing we aren't sure is a mistake, I actually like the premise. It's different, a little. What Miss S said.I read a lot of romance with a twist and I would at least open it up and read the first pages to see if it grabbed me.

Anonymous said...

Because I had to comment...

Subscription was intentional - the idea of people subscribing to medicine rather than having it prescribed - is what I was going for.

Roar - is really Aurora - Roar is just her nickname.

Ironically her mom is a hipee so it's quite possible she was smokin' something when she named her.

Rayce and Archer - have other meanings - but yeah could be over the top. Like Miss Snark said - I was going for a background comic book feel - very grounded in a slightly different reality.

But the truth is I am a Romance Novelist - so maybe I just liked the names. :)

Thanks for all the comments - truly this was fun.

Anonymous said...

I really really like it!