12.18.2006

HH Com 146

Rummaging though her closet in search of her favorite Magic Tummy girdle, Ms. Dee-Dee suffers a fatal heart attack. There are no white lights or angels, but instead she is sucked into a Black Hole, which spits her out on the other side. There she begins a rowdy adventure, living her life again, and seeing it differently this time around. Everyone is there: the husband with the third teat, the phantom lover killed by her husband, and her best friends: an ex-school teacher spiritualist, and a neighbor who pimps for the neighbor’s lusty 86-year-old father. Their lives are stuck to her like superglue, and she comes to realize she has never once been alone. In The Black Hole In Her Closet, Ms. Dee-Dee is given what so many yearn for: a second chance, and she quickly learns how her choices, for good or bad, have shaped her destiny.


Wasn't this a movie with Jimmy Stewert? Or was it Marlo Thomas?

You can recycle any old ideas that catch your fancy but you must bring something new and fresh to it and that does not include a husband with a third nipple.

You've got the format close to correct (you're missing any enticement to actually read the book since you tell us everything including the ending) but it can't disguise the fact that this novel is same old same old.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Some old plots recycle as fresh if readers haven't experienced them. This caught my attention.

HawkOwl said...

I guess the biggest downfall is that it doesn't sound funny.

Dave said...

I laughed all through this. However, Niss Snark is SO right.

You describe the story (not set up a hook) in such mundane terms.

Let's face it, getting sucked through a black hole into an alternate universe while searching for a panty girdle is FUNNY.
Write the hook as comedy. Liven it up. Punch it into silliness and fun - make the reader want to laugh.

Dee-Dee Bigglesworp isn't greeted by white lights and cheery angels when she dies, instead she's sucked into an alternate universe where her third husband with the third tits waits for her...

or something like that

Anonymous said...

I liked it, and thought it sounded extremely funny. As though you were trying to re-work an older plot the way it should have been written in the first place.

And what a novel concept...to take something that could have been good, but wasn't, and change it. It sounds mainstream, pop culture and filled with promise...especially for those of us who'd rather eat poodle turds than read a mystery, thriller or Sci-Fi.

Virginia Miss said...

The Magic Tummy girdle hooked me :)

Anonymous said...

You stopped me with "black hole". A black hole is an actual phenomenon, and doesn't work that way. Sure, I'm being pedantic, but it makes me think you can't do basic research.

You're creating a completely new time-and-space vortex here, so you have an opportunity to call it something funny. She's a funny woman, right? So why not use that?

Crys said...

this caught my attention as well. i'm quite interested.

michaelgav said...

The world needs more funny people. I liked the elements here, but I don't think your hook served them up well. As hard as this is to do anyway, I think it's harder for comedy / humor. (And yes, I am whining. It's one of my skill sets.)

And a doff of the old fedora to Miss Snark for that brilliantly snarky reference to Mrs. Phil Donohue.

chimeralife said...

I though it was a funny concept, just too wordy. If your writing is funny (first couple of pages), I'd definitely buy it. Who doesn't ever wonder what it would be like to live your life over again?

Anonymous said...

As a reader, I was intrigued enough by the concept to want to open the book and read the first few pages. I agree that it sounds like you have a funny story here. Definitely punch the hook up and give 'er another go.

Anonymous said...

What IS this supoosed to be?