HH Com 157

The golden couple has a problem. They're a successful young couple in the curious field of movie and tabloid stardom, yet cursed by unspoken desires. From their luxurious aerie high above Los Angeles, they brood separately upon the decline of their once-passionate relationship.

Enter Taylor, a sexually ambiguous naif, unfamiliar with their milieu of jaded decadence. The aspiring - and terrible- actor's innocence and charm awakens something in their blackened souls, and after several passionate trysts, Angie and Mr. P scheme and compete to win Taylor's loyalty and love- with comically disastrous consequences.

Is Taylor as naïve as he seems? More so- he is breathtakingly dense, yet happily oblivious to the havoc his magical charisma creates, and the wreckage he leaves in his wake. Like a 21st century Candide, (very) dumb luck and circumstance protect him from the predatory schemes of showbiz opportunists, Lists A through D. Sweetly ignorant of the Hollywood razor-pit of ambition and treachery, it's scarcely HIS fault that catastrophe follows him. The mogul's scorched art collection, the starlet's botched plastic surgery, the gossip's humiliating comeuppance- Taylor cheerfully sails on.

Ominously however, there's vengeance afoot among his richly deserving "victims"- and they've been comparing notes. Will they destroy his banal dreams of sitcom stardom? Or will his good heart and epic stupidity send him all the way to Oscar? DUMB LUCKY is a dark comedy of Tinseltown manners.

"The Malibu waves crashed outside. They sounded expensive."

You start by talking about two actors but the story really isn't about them. It's about Taylor the Naif who might possibly be some sort of reincarnation of Chauncy Gardner.

This might work but you'll need to focus on who you want to talk about and what HIS conflicts are, and if he doesn't have any, what that means for the people around him.

Focus. Fewer events. Sharper images. Yanno, like a real star.


Virginia Miss said...

Lots of overwriting. "cursed by unspoken desires" "awakens something in their blackened souls"

Also pare the modifiers

It all sounds very melodramatic, then we get hints of humor ("comically disastrous consequences," "starlet's botched plastic surgery, the gossip's humiliating comeuppance- Taylor cheerfully sails on") that don't seem to fit. Make sure you write in a consistent voice.

HawkOwl said...

I'd like to read "a dark comedy of Tinseltown manners," but I don't have faith that your writing will be up to it. Good luck with it.

Anonymous said...

I've seen that movie! "Dark Harbor," with Alan Rickman.


Anonymous said...

Yes, overwritten. But calm down the descriptions and I think this would be a fun read!

Anonymous said...

I rather liked the premise, it sounded like a good comedy to read during a vacation, but then you said "afoot". That's really not a word to put in a description of a novel like this. It makes me think of wise sages in RPG games.


Ryan Field said...

Chauncy Gardener...haven't heard that in a long time and wouldn't it be interesting to see a reincarnation?

Crys said...

i like the idea of an idiot winning Hollywood accolades and stumbling into an Oscar.

kis said...

Chauncy Gardener meets Joey Tribiani. Pare down the overwrought writing and I could enjoy this. Unless, of course, the overwroughtness is part of the humor?

batgirl said...

There are unspoken desires in Hollywood? There's enough soul left to be blackened? Okay, that shocked me.

If the golden couple are part of the plot, you might want to name them up front rather than leave the reader to guess that Angie and Mr. P might be them.
I smiled at the last line - maybe it should be first?