Abe Lincoln is an eccentric, 25-year old, 10th grade history teacher in a small Midwestern town. He has grown accustomed to his famous moniker and is a magnificent educator and student favorite. One night, a guy with a mustache and a chick with an eye patch kidnap Abe. They stuff him into the trunk of their white Ford Taurus and drive north, across the border, into the remote areas of Manitoba. Along the way they meet a bizarre cavalcade of strange characters, including a well-groomed, three-legged wolf, a mannequin dressed up like a fisherman, a Royal Canadian Mounted Police Officer with a penchant for juice, palindromes, and candy necklaces, a family of traveling evangelicals, and a fugitive Elvis look-alike who may or may not be the real Elvis. When the kidnappers relay the ransom demands to Abe’s family, they are met with reluctance. The negotiating goes on for six months: All while Abe becomes infatuated with his abductors and begins to hope he is never rescued.
Ruthless People meets The Ransom of Red Chief
Focus. The moniker thing isn't germane to the hook as far as I can tell. The parade of characters isn't either. What's the conflict in this book? His family doesn't want him back? Why? He's a "magnificant educator" (a phrase fast tracked for the Clunk Hall of Fame) and a "student favorite". You've set us up to think he's a nice guy. Maybe his family is a bunch of losers...but you don't tell us that at all.