When the caller says, "Clean up whatever that thing is that washed up on the banks of the Ness," Clive Fulton's first thought is no different from anyone else's.
When "that thing" turns out to be a decapitated plesiosaur, more people watch Clive's press conference than watched the moon landing.
"Where is the head? What did she look like?"
"Top scientists confirm this is not a hoax."
"Then, Mr. Director, who is investigating? Who will track down the Loch Ness Monster’s killer?"
The police are clear: As Director of Commercial Services of the Unitary Highland Council, local dog catchers report to him. Commercial Services cleans up road kill. "There’s no crime. Not a police matter. It's you, Clive."
(you have me right up till here)
With the reluctant help of the local librarian, Clive takes a crash course in criminology. As he closes in on the face of the Loch Ness Monster, he uncovers one local family's dark and arcane history, encompassing bathing circus elephants, a mother's betrayal of her daughter, and film producer Billy Wilder's unlikely inspiration for sending Sherlock Holmes after the British Navy by way of Loch Ness.
When the evidence is in, Clive discovers he has become the sole, unwilling custodian of a centuries-old secret whose power will force him either to bring the head to CNN on a platter, or to join the ancient ranks of the Gilgamesh, Gospel, and Beowulf authors, who took their personal sacrifices to the world's secret history, and made from them anonymous gifts of mythology.
I have no idea why a librarian of all people would be reluctant to find out more about an actual Loch Ness monster. Every librarian I know would be lacing up their Keds and flinging "closed" signs on their office doors and hustling off to help.
Then of course you fall smack into weird ass supposedly enticing dark secrets. Well, dark secrets stopped enticing me in 1981 when it turned out Bobby wasn't dead at all.
And then you turn what could have been fun into some sort of advanced literarture course.
Replenish your word hoard and try again.