HH Com 211 (207)

Tybalt Jones is the star of Immortal Lies. He's a vampire, but he's not your stereotypical creature of the night. He prefers Havana shirts to black, swirling capes and his "sidekick" is a curvy faery girl, not a hunchback with a taste for bugs. He'd rather avoid the vampire "scene" if it's left up to him.

Sometimes it's not.

Your hook starts here:
Vampires in the City are disappearing. That's bad enough on its own, but they're all connected to Tybalt (insert the description of Tybalt here) somehow. Worse, he's got an enemy set on immortality who can drag him into a nightmare realm any time he likes and the local vampire Boss has set a deadline—literally—on getting the problem solved. It takes Gypsy know-how, a little faery magic and a lot of old-fashioned elbow grease to get things back to "normal" again.

You're not specific enough about the problem or the antagonist to make this compelling.
I like the vampire guy though.


Virginia Miss said...

I got thrown by black, swirling capes. Try swirling black capes, or maybe just black capes.

Poshcat said...

Holy moly I need to read this book. Please write it and worry about the fascinating hook AFTER.

::pleady hands::

Inkwolf said...

These days I sorta start rolling my eyes as soon as the word 'vampire' appears in a book description...but this book sounds reasonably entertaining. :)

HawkOwl said...

Oh, I like this. Sounds like The Devil Wears Prada for vampires. I'd want more for sure.

December Quinn said...

I think the book sounds great!

I'm also beginning to suspect I'm saying that about pretty much every urban fantasy hook posted, so maybe I'm just a sucker for this stuff. But it sounds exciting to me.