Hottie emperor Xim Rhoh has the perfect recipe to control his only Ainean competitor. Bad enough it’s difficult to hunt down the other Ain… they’re so similar to humans. Now he’s found one—impoverished eighteen-year-old orphan Esana—but he cannot bring himself to kill this only other one of his own kind. Not a problem. A naïve young woman from that barren rock of a planet, Jurien… shouldn’t be hard to control. So he gives Esana a taste of prison as an incentive, then puts her to work in his navy—where bam! Turns out this girl can kick some serious enemy ass. No one is more surprised than Esana. Xim promotes her… then corrupts her with money, power and fame, nurturing her desires until she cannot see past them. A year later she’s exactly where he wants her—wrapped around his finger.
But there’s a reality check coming. Esana needs to pull her head out and listen to her suppressed Ainean instincts if she wants to survive what’s ahead. The Ain’s ancient enemy, the yet-undiscovered vicious Asur, are dead set on finding her—why? She’s the avatar of a merciless enemy that once enslaved them. And they’re not taking chances this time around… they’re going to get her. And they won’t mind annihilating mankind in the process.
This is energetic writing. It's also a mess. Simplify. You should only focus on three things at most in a hook: the good guy, the bad guy and the stakes in the conflict. You're awash in adjectives. Pare down.