12.20.2006

HH Com 223 (219)

When Eric's former love, Christine, moves back to town after a twenty-year absence (with a ten-year-old daughter, who may or may not be Eric 's) his greatest desire is to find a way back into her heart. Should he start by asking his much younger girlfriend to move out, or will her presence make Christine jealous enough to want him back? (helluva sperm delivery system ol Eric has there if it took 10 years to reach the egg)

Before Eric can do anything on the romantic front, a crisis looms: dead seals begin washing up on the area's beaches. Have they been poisoned by disgruntled fishermen or stricken by a mysterious ailment? As the local marine mammal expert, Eric is called in to discover the cause of the epidemic. Solving the mystery will boost his sagging career and prevent the college Dean from sending him to academic purgatory.

Eric can't concentrate on the seal crisis, however. The only thing he can think about is winning Christine back. But Christine has no time for romance. She is busy raising her daughter and working with an immigrants' rights group. To complicate matters further, Eric must bridge the twenty-year divide without mentioning the incident that precipitated Christine's departure: the accidental death of a logger, killed by a group of eco-activists with whom Eric and Christine were once involved.


Pick one event. You've got everything in here except the second Incarnation...oh wait...you might have that too.

Focus on the one event that means the biggest difference to the two characters. That's your XYZ.

Focus. Start over. And bone up (so to speak) on basic reproductive health facts.

9 comments:

Dave said...

If I may have a chuckle - a twnety year absence and a ten year old daughter - yes, sirree, sir - this man should be in the hall of fame being worshipped on a pedestal. (forgive me but it's too easy to chuckle and simple to fix the problem)

But seriously thought- What is the major emphasis in your book - the Dead Seals or the sudden family? One has to be the main plot and the other a minor plot. We don;t have your manuscript to know.

I like the story. I think it's all there.

Anonymous said...

I'm having a hard time with coming up with questions. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that she left town, came back for a one night stand with him ten years ago. Is there a murder now that he has to solve with the loggers? Or is that just a device to get them back together? Is he on some quest to find out if that's his daughter? If he is you should say that, because that would be pretty important, if it is his daugthter and they're not letting him know until the the end, you can let the agent know in the hook without spoiling the end, because the logger thing, the relationship, and the seals are already fighting for the top plot spot. I'm guessing the main plot probably the relationship. So, you have a man and woman who've not seen each other in twenty years, they're in their late thirties, (both lonely?) one absorbed in his work, the other absorbed in her daughter, is the daughter a problem? Are the loggers a problem? Given you have 250 words, you could fit all the answers to those questions into your hook, and still not reveal the surprise ending.

Anonymous said...

Bone up...

Oh Miss Snark, you naughty, naughty girl.

Elektra said...

Perhaps the kid was camping out in the woman's right ovary for a while.

Anonymous said...

I gotta be honest. I couldn't get past the implausibility of the first sentence. My brain went right to, "How can that be possible?" Then it stuck there so that I can't actually remember anything important about the rest of what I read.

Southern Writer said...

Bone up! Snort. There went a keyboard.

HawkOwl said...

Well the timeline angle is already taken so I'll pick something else to criticize. A man who's considering how best to use his current fuckbunny to manipulate his twenty-years-ago fuckbunny into taking him back is not a sympathetic protagonist, dead baby seals or no dead baby seals. I hope that in a Kafkaesque turn of events, a giant cockroach stomps on him.

Anonymous said...

I HATE it when dead seals wash up on shore!

cm allison said...

You lost me also when I spent the entire time trying to read you hook, but thinking about a 10 year pregnancy. (and I thought 9 1/2 months was bad!)