HH Com 246 (242)

Taro Hibiki knows just how lucky he is. Once an orphaned pickpocket and hustler, now he’s the adopted little brother of Eve Marcori, a Marine turned freighter pilot. In four years on Eve's ship, he has learned piloting, martial arts, engineering, first aid—at sixteen Taro is ready for anything. Anything but telling the truth he fears would lose him his cherished family.

Rafe Ballard may just be the other thing he can’t handle. Charming, handsome, impulsive, trained as a joy-boy and free with his favors, Rafe makes Taro want to stuff him out the nearest airlock. But Eve wants Rafe protected, so protected he will be. Even when he learns Taro’s secret.

After the jealous husband of Rafe's last girlfriend kidnaps them, escape strands Taro and Rafe on a hostile planet. Taro realizes he may be in over his head. Fighting off the wildlife and enraged in-laws he can handle—fighting his growing attraction to Rafe is far harder. He has to do it, though. Eve has plans for him, and a BOYfriend is nowhere in that future that fits Taro less each day. She's given him everything, how can he tell her he doesn't want most of it?

He can't. The first rule of gambling, Taro knows, is never risk what you can't afford to lose.

But to win it all, you have to risk it all.

Start with the kidnapping. That's when the conflict comes into focus. The rest is set up or backstory. The plot can't be "he doesn't want to tell his sister he's gay" either cause really, who cares.

Who's the main antagonist? Who's going to force Taro into doing what he doesn't want to?


Anonymous said...

Gay love triangle on a space ship would work for some of my friends. They'd love it. But it sure seems the relationship is the main point of the book. If that's the case, then there's the plot. Might want to spice it up a bit, but the gay lit coming out is so mundane, this might sell.

Anonymous said...

I assume the plot comes via the 2 characters struggling to survive on the hostile planet and return home (while fighting with each other, and with their growing attraction to each other)? I can understand that Miss Snark needs a conventional hook, but I'm hooked already. :)

xiqay said...

Perhaps I'm clueless, but I had no idea this was sci-fi until they were stranded on a hostile planet.

(The freighter pilot made me think shipping and the past. The airlock works on any kind of vessel.)

I want to know what's the big secret that would lose Taro his cherished family. If it's being gay, then why would he want to keep this family? Yeah, they're family, and provide financial security, but still, what good is family if they can't accept you for who you are?

Orphaned pickpocket and hustler--sounds like he's very enterprising. Does his past make him feel more needy and desperate to keep the family? With all his skills, now, he could manage financially. I want a real reason for keeping the secret.

Oh, I see, it can't be that he wants the future security his sister has planned for him, cuz he doesn't.

So is it guilt? a feeling of owing them. Why is he keeping a secret? And what would disclosure of the secret jeopardize.

That's not coming through in this.

And on secrets: I hate when people close to someone miss the basic cues, but a stranger picks up on the secret and learns what everybody else misses. Just seems unlikely, at least to me.

And why does Taro's sister want to protect Rafe? That's an interesting question raised in this hook.

Basically, you have a GLBT sci-fi story. Taro was an orphan who's been adopted by a rich family. He's been trained in a lot of neat stuff and his sister has planned a future for him in the business.

She requires him to do things, including protect Rafe. Rafe is a gigolo and he's offended a powerful family by having an affair with one of the wives. The powerful family kidnaps Rafe and Taro and strands them on a hostile planet, where Taro and Rafe fight off the wildlife and "bond" with each other.

But Taro may have to give up his relationship with Rafe to save his relationsip with his adoptive family. Even though he doesn't wan the future planned for him by his sister.

Is that it?

KD (the other one) said...

well, yeah...but...no. Argh. I'm editing hook and book, obviously the conflict isn't clear enough.

I'll get there yet! Thanks, Miss Snark!