HH Com 262 (259)

In a world where magic is commonplace, even an ordinary bard can sometimes predict the future. Jasper the Jubilant senses his brother’s impending death but is helpless to prevent it. Haunted by guilt, Jas defies tradition in order to raise his brother’s orphans himself. When his landlady throws them out, Jas has no one to turn to except Madi.

Brave, beautiful Madi has always treated Jas as a friend and agreeable bedmate, though she scorns any talk of love. He satisfies himself with the crumbs of her affection, and conceals his love under the guise of friendship. Jasper has his doubts about the wisdom of moving in with Madi, but the security of the children is more important than any risk to his heart.

When her feline familiar pulls a corpse from a river, Madi performs a ritual on the body and discovers that the death was no accident. Shaken by what she has seen, Madi finds unexpected comfort in Jasper’s arms -- a comfort that is shattered when Jasper’s sister arrives and demands the return of the children. Madi tries to focus on the murder, but instead she is drawn into Jasper’s struggle against his sister. Soon she is willing to use all her skills and magic to ensure that the children have a happy future with Jas. To her surprise, she longs to share that future, if only she can believe in his love.

Well at least this sister isn't the innocent victim who must be saved.

Tighten this up. You've got a lot of backstory. Jasper's left to raise the brats; Madi has a cat on steroids; a corpse turns up.

What happens if the sister gets the brats? Will she eat them? What happens if Madi doesn't solve the murder? Will the cat lose his shot at the Hall of Fame?

Hilarity aside, you're missing the key elements of what will make this compelling.

Oh, and Killer Yapp wants to know more about the cat.

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