HH Com 270 (267)

In Diko's world, humans live symbiotically on skyscraper-sized, branchless Hometrees, long believed the friends of mankind. Yet when a man named Rantham arrives at the village, he tells Diko sinister stories about the Hometrees which contradict everything Diko has been taught. After a disastrous hurricane and the suspicious deaths of some of the villagers, and his best friend suffering a horrible fall, Diko must choose whether to believe his father's benevolent view of the Hometrees and become the next Treespeaker, the most important person in the village, or to listen to Rantham's more diabolical views and embrace a new group of allies. His choice has terrible, far-reaching consequences, and leads to his exile as a patricide and Outleaf, banished forever to the very top of the Hometree. Now he must escape his prison with the help of an elusive avian, confront the liar and true murderer in his village, and try to redeem himself--even if it costs his life--for the alternative is the genocide of an entire race.

Killer Trees. Where have I heard that before?

Now, the idea of living in a tree has a certain appeal but "branchless"?? That just boggles the mind.

Start again with the hook template (#239) and ..err...branch out from there.


thraesja said...

I assume Diko has never seen a skyscraper, so right away I'm thrown out of the story with a description that does not fit the world you're in.

I think the premise has promise, but the writing is loose and somewhat disjointed. Tighten it up. Clean up the grammar. Try again.

Rei said...

Sounds potentially interesting.
Too vague to tell for sure.

"sinister stories"
"contradict everything"
"suspicious deaths"
"diabolical views"
"new group of allies"
"His choice"
"terrible, far-reaching consequences"
"redeem himself"
"entire race"

Each of these is something that is not spelled out in the query. Having a few unknowns isn't a problem. It can make you wonder what's really going on, or what's going to happen next. But with this many, how are we supposed to identify with this plot?

Matt said...

#239 is quickly becoming legendary.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm picturing the Ents, only without arms. He rides a bird down and then what? The hook should probably include whatever it is he has to do. That's the part that's interesting. Hopefully it's not "He has to push the button to turn on the alien machine". I know it's tough in fantasy novels to describe the plot sometimes, but there are too many out there where the world that was created was cool enough but the plot was weak because they didn't really have anything important or difficult to accomplish. In this case, maybe divulging the importance of the Homeboys would do that.

Anonymous said...

Where is this model hook? I checked out #239 and also (239) and both of those are entries you rejected.

Anonymous said...

Why am I not finding a template at #239?

Anonymous said...

The writer might want to re-think having a hero with a phallic name.

I know it's a reach, but lots of tall upright trees and a dude with that name and my dirty ol' broad's mind filled in the spaces.

Inkwolf said...

I think it has potential. :) If there are no branches, though, do they tunnel inside to live? Does the tree fruit on the inside?

But you probably want to read Below the Root by Zilphia Keatly Schneider, and Amazonia by James Rollins, to be sure you don't overlap too much. The first involves a utopian society living in trees, the second involves a tree species which has evolved to genetically alter, foster, and enslave the lifeforms surrounding it.

Rachel Ann Dryden said...

The trees have huge leaves off the trunk, and they are hollow. People live on the leaves like stories on a building. I know he hasn't seen a skyscraper, but I was writing the query to try and succinctly describe the size and scope as opposed to writing it all out. Anyway, thanks for the comments and the book recommendations. I'll check those out.

Anonymous said...

Integral Trees -- Larry Niven?

Anonymous said...

I found the template pretty easily - It's 239 (235). Read MS's comments carefully.