God is dead. But this time, it's not just a nihilist slogan: He left a suicide note. Although the head angels deem it genuine, a few sharp observers note inconsistencies: the Biblical postscript makes no sense, and besides, it's not in God's handwriting.
One such observer, angel-in-training Kate, has plenty to worry about without taking the fate of the cosmos into her hands. But along with her mentor Leon, her sardonic colleague Martin, and two exiled angels, she ends up on a mission to track down God's murderer.
Meanwhile, in the throes of an existential crisis, Satan abdicates the throne of the Underworld, leaving it open for a darker evil to seize control: his ambitious ex-personal assistant, Minor Demon No. 38. Now, with all the Afterlife in chaos, Kate and her friends race to find the demon's mortal partner-in-crime, who might be able to help them resurrect God. Their best lead involves Limbo, a fundamentalist preacher, corruption in Paradise, and the worst coffee in the universe. It's not much, but it might be just enough to save all of existence. Oh, and Kate's sanity.
This is actually a pretty fair hook.
I'm so sorry to read my pal Satan is having an existential crisis.
This is the only way to write "save all existence" in a query letter: cheerily.