HH Com 275 (272)

God is dead. But this time, it's not just a nihilist slogan: He left a suicide note. Although the head angels deem it genuine, a few sharp observers note inconsistencies: the Biblical postscript makes no sense, and besides, it's not in God's handwriting.

One such observer, angel-in-training Kate, has plenty to worry about without taking the fate of the cosmos into her hands. But along with her mentor Leon, her sardonic colleague Martin, and two exiled angels, she ends up on a mission to track down God's murderer.

Meanwhile, in the throes of an existential crisis, Satan abdicates the throne of the Underworld, leaving it open for a darker evil to seize control: his ambitious ex-personal assistant, Minor Demon No. 38. Now, with all the Afterlife in chaos, Kate and her friends race to find the demon's mortal partner-in-crime, who might be able to help them resurrect God. Their best lead involves Limbo, a fundamentalist preacher, corruption in Paradise, and the worst coffee in the universe. It's not much, but it might be just enough to save all of existence. Oh, and Kate's sanity.

This is actually a pretty fair hook.
I'm so sorry to read my pal Satan is having an existential crisis.

This is the only way to write "save all existence" in a query letter: cheerily.


Michele said...

This is a hoot!

Hypergraphia said...

This was actually a "yes yes yes" for me, so I'm glad to see that it's considered a good hook. I was beginning to wonder about my ability to recognize one (let alone write one).
I am particularly fond of the line "the Biblical postscript makes no sense, and besides, it's not in God's handwriting." Blasphemeously comical.

dana p said...

Love this. The 1st paragraph in particular is brilliant. I was hoping it wouldn't all fall apart after that, and it didn't -- I really want to know what Minor Demon No. 38 gets up to. Good job, author.

Brady Westwater said...

Only... pretty fair?

God must really be dead!

Writerious said...

There's something worse than Satan? ::shudder:: Are you saying we should be glad Old Snatch is in charge? Yikes. Interesting.

I particularly like the part about the note not being in God's handwriting. God has handwriting? Who knew? Nice quirky touch.

Anonymous said...

A celestial murder mystery with God as the victim and angels playing amateur detective? Sounds both fresh and interesting to me. The third paragraph sounds a bit disconnected though. What can Minor Demon No. 38 do that makes him more evil than the Prince of Darkness himself? And is Satan playing Inspector Lestrade to Kate's Sherlock? I'm interested to see where you go with this.

jamiehall said...

This is very cute, and there wasn't even one bit that I stumbled over. Congrats.

Ski said...

This took the most un-likely twists and turns, but you never lost me and I enjoyed the ride. Good Luck.


Anonymous said...

This was good and something I would pick up to check the first chapter, but there were some sentences that could've been shortened.

The one that comes to mind is when all the sidekicks are listed. We don't really need to know them at this point and the sardonic description is not relevant to the rest of the hook. That section needs to be tighter.

The 'Kate's sanity' bit seemed to come out of left field to me. There's no connection in the rest of the hook to give it context or coherence.

The first paragraph was excellent though and, overall, I was intrigued.

I'll bet you get a lot of requests for this.


A Paperback Writer said...

I love the idea!

Virginia Miss said...

Kudos, author!

I was hooked by this, so I was pleased to see that MS was, too, although her praise was fainter than mine. I hope to see this on the shelves in the not-too-distant future.

Zoe said...

LMAO I totally love this. I want to read this book!

Judy said...

Oooh this sounds very interesting. Shades of Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality, which I loved for the same fresh approach to old archetypal characters.

shannon said...

I liked your hook, and the writing was quite funny. I know it's not a story to be taken seriously, and is very tongue-in-cheek, but just had a couple of questions:

Why would Satan abdicate his "throne" and NOT take God's? Isn't that kinda what he would like most? If I was Satan, I'd want Heaven, I'd have some fun with it, and isn't he the mischief maker? among other things, sure. Why does he have an "existential crisis" and just disappear? Satan is always a more interesting character than God (maybe it's just as well God is dead, he can be pretty dull) so I'd want to know more about him.

Maybe I'll just have to read the book when it comes out?!!?

Eliory said...

Author here (a while later). Thank you for the very nice comments. And Anon #2, you pointed out all the very things I'd been uncertain about already. (You think "sardonic" is bad? Ohhh, you should have seen the adjectives I originally saddled that paragraph with. On second thought, no - no one should have to experience that.) That gives me the motivation to fix my hook - again. Cheers!

And as for the questions about Satan, he answers those himself in the course of the story. You'll just have to read the book someday. ;)