12.21.2006

HH Com 276 (273)

The first lie was effortless. It just kind of happened, I didn’t plan it. In fact, I was almost pushed into it. Surrounded by all those perfect people with their perfect lives and their perfect success, I had no choice but to embellish a little bit. What was the harm? And then it all spun out of control. Completely out of control. But I couldn’t stop. I loved being the center of attention – the one the perfect people were curious about, the one whispered about, the one sought out.

Next thing I know I’m dodging some muscled-up ape collecting 50% interest for some loan shark and sleeping with a Walther PPK under my pillow. It’s a long way from tilting back champagne flutes with celebutantes in flimsy see-through dresses. A long way.

Well, you know now this isn't a hook. What it is is pretty vivid and fun. You need to start over on the hook but you might have something good here.

12 comments:

wavybrains said...

I'm intrigued. I like the voice here--I have no clue as to the genre/plot but I like it anyway. From a reader's perspective, if this is your opening, I'm expecting a fairly light/humorous contemporary chick lit and hoping the rest of the book delivers on the first paragraph! :)

Steve S. said...

If you have not read any of Joseph Finder's books, do. You have his voice and you use it almost better than he does (which is goin' some.)

Of course if you ARE Joseph Finder (which I suspect you are) welcome to the Crapometer. And by the way I am enjoying the hell out of PARANOIA. Keep writin', son.

Hypergraphia said...

color me intrigued as well and what wavybrains said.

Walther PPK fan said...

I'd definitely read this.

xiqay said...

I liked this, too.

But wavybrains, I'm expecting a mystery or suspense.

Meaning this opening works, but we do need to know what this novel is and a hook would tell us that.

Anonymous said...

I like this too. So it's not an official hook, big deal. I once caught an eight pound walleye on an earring. What works, works. This does.

Anonymous said...

"Celebutantes"--good word coinage. If this was the opening page of your book, I would definitely read on further. Again, you need a hook. Why is the narrator being pursued by a leg breaker for a loan shark? What complications ensue?

276/273 author said...

Nope. Not Finder. Just a female with an overactive imagination and her own Walther PPK.

Thanks for the comments, all. And thanks to Miss Snark for the encouraging words.

I don't see this as being chick lit, though, more like a thriller that makes you say, "What the fuck?" in a good way ...

We'll see.

Ski said...

You know why I liked this - cuz you didn't lose me. I don't comment here if I don't like something, I honestly don't feel I'm qualified. It's not humility, it's the fear of saying something stupit. This was short and sweet and I know exactly what you wanted to tell me and take me, and I'd read more if offered. Thanks, and Good Luck.

Rgds...........Ski

A Paperback Writer said...

Maybe it's not a hook, but it hooked me. I'd pick the thing up and read it.

Virginia Miss said...

I like the voice, too, reminds me of some of my fave chick lit authors.

I think this could work as a hook if you put a bit more info into the second paragraph. After the first sentence, tell us about the bad guy and why she's in this mess. Then finish up with your last two lines.

Anonymous said...

I'd read it