HH Com 292 (291)

Some girls just can't say no. Frankie McConnell is one of those girls.

Frankie was thrilled to be asked to join the Women's Air Ferry Squadron in 1943. Finally, she had a chance to be useful in the war that was tearing the world apart. She went to Newcastle, Delaware expecting action and adventure and instead found boredom, ferrying primary trainers from factories to air fields. Not nearly as exciting as the air shows she used to fly with her father, playing a German Baron to her father's American Ace. Frankie tries to fit in and
do her job, but she can't refuse a challenge. So when an Air Corps captain dares her to enter a dogfighting contest, she wins the trophy, but loses her job.

Not wanting to face her family at home, she accepts a new job with the Marine Corps Women's Reserve. Frankie's duties are more suited to her skills, but she still can't resist a challenge, whether it comes from a Navy pilot poking fun at the Marine Corsairs or the rogue commander of the Pacific Posse, Major Jack Layton.

They probably won't save the world. Maybe they can save each other.

What if they don't? Will she shoot him?

This is a straightforward romance, but you've got to have some conflict here that ISN"T 'woman in a man's job'. She needs to be conflicted, or beset by some dilemma otherwise it's just pie in the sky.


Anonymous said...

Err, being the sexist pig that I am, I thought that when you said that she can't say, "No," that you meant, you know, can't say no. I almost cruised by the hook because I thought it was another porn one.

I have to agree with MS, he main motive can't just be not to say no, or to land the guy, what's the thing she's trying to achive that will fulfill her dreams?

Anonymous said...

I love the idea for the book, though. I hope the author sticks with it.

Hypergraphia said...

Having had the chance to proof this manuscript (through several revisions) I think you did marvelous on the hook! I don't know how you even managed to pare it down to this! I would read (again)!! ;o)

chisem said...

Check the WAC library at North Texas University in Denton, Tx. They have a wonderful collection on these special women. The true stories are wonderful, including the wealthy spoiled girl who brought her poodle to war, the target girls who pulled large targets for the men to train anti-aircraft, and returned with holes in their airplane while the target remained untouched.

This is a branch of the service that has received very little notice, and I think you've hit upon a winner. Personally I like what you've got here, and would buy a copy.

Good luck to you.

Anonymous said...

"another porn one"...did I miss these so-called porn hooks?

Anonymous said...

"did I miss these so-called porn hooks"

I was thinking of the one where the girl gets impregnated by the love god, the one about the man that kills women with orgasms, and the one where the girl is going at it then wakes up and she's in line. I think there were one or two more, but those are the recent ones that come to mind.

Maybe just my dirty mind, but, hey I'm a guy, it's bound to be dirty.

wavybrains said...

I like the idea a lot. You've got a lot of backstory here--get straight to the hero and heroine--all the WWII stuff is just backdrop. What does she want? What does he want? Why can't they be together?

aries said...

This hook doesn't work because the Frankie's conflict isn't clear. The first paragraph is 80% backstory. You can start with the second paragraph and spend more time talking about what's at stake, like what, how, and why Frankie is going to save Jack.