HH Com 30

“Paradise Acres” is an 80,000 word novel about an eclectic group of folks who live in a small trailer park and band together to rescue some horses abandoned during a flood. In the process, they also save Paradise Acres and a lifestyle they have come to treasure. Did I say trailer park? Excuse me. Mobile home. The inhabitants get a bit testy whenever they hear the word trailer.

A few of the characters….

Karl Kincaid … The owner of Paradise Acres who often greets folks with,“Hi. I’m Karl with-a-K Kincaid. Welcome to Paradise Acres. It ain’t exactly a paradise, and it ain’t acres, one and three-fourths, to be exact … but good folks live here.”

Zip … A border collie that shows up one day herding three geese. Described by the woman who adopts him … “He’s like a regular collie on high octane.”

Carrie, Robby and Mark … Three kids who are pivotal in convincing the adults to … “do what’s right, not what’s safe.”

Most of the inhabitants of Paradise Acres have been through a watershed event in their lives which brought them to this little mobile home park on the outskirts of St. Louis. They come with low expectations, but find a community of survivors, each of whom becomes an integral part of a complex tapestry rich in friendship and camaraderie.

The “feel good” ending of this character-driven story is just icing on the cake.

This isn't a hook. It's list of characters and the whisper of an event-saving horses. Focus.
Who is the main character? Who's opposing him/her/it? What are the stakes.

Back to the barn. Try again.


AnonnyPonny said...

This actually interests me. I mean, the setting and the characters. The horses, I don't care.

Elektra said...

I'm confused--if there's a flood strong enough to allow horses to get free, it's also probably strong enough to cause serious damage to mobile homes. Don't these people have their own problems to deal with. And why don't they just call Animal Control? That's what they're there for.

Rei said...

What can I say? I agree 100% with Miss Snark on this one. Time to try again from scratch.

Oh, and please don't waste your 250 words correcting yourself.

HawkOwl said...

Actually they're called "manufactured homes" and if you're just going to write another trailer-park stereotype story, or even another "replacing trailer-park stereotypes with different trailer-park stereotypes," I'd be having more fun watching Trailer Park Boys.

Xiqay said...

Well, once again I find that I don't know anything about writing hooks. I like this. It's different, and I want to read the story.

I didn't have any idea whether Miss Snark would give it thumbs up or down, so I guess it's back to the barn for me, too.

December Quinn said...

Where on earth did the horses come from? And why is a dog listed second in your list of characters? Does the dog have a bigger and more important role than the children whose desires motivate the story?

The setting tempts me because I grew up in St. Louis, but I agree about the flood and calling Animal Control. And maybe a few news stations, possibly some animal shelters (there used to be a "horse rescue" about fifteen minutes away from my house in West County), the newspapers...why are the trailer park residents the only people who can save the horses?

Anonymous said...

I lived in a trailer park.

We called it a trailer park.

Everyone there but me was a loser/boozer.

Maybe things are different the farther west you go.

First thing I did when I got money was buy a house with no wheels.

Ski said...

I like this. OK, it was an unusual way to present it, but I still like the idea. An eclectic collection of anything always interests me. Maybe that's why I like coming here... Oh, and Dogs Rule!!!

Good Luck.


thraesja said...

The self-correction worked for me. It gives character to the, er, characters, and lets me know that I should expect a comedy. I would like to read at least the first couple of pages to see if it makes me laugh.

However the rest of you are, of course, right. As is Miss S. This needs to be redone with focus. Why should I care about the horses, and who should I care about saving them?

Anonymous said...

Well, I obviously don't know anything at all about hook-writing because I thought this was really good. (And I LOVED the correcting-yourself bit.)