12.21.2006

HH Com 301

“A woman’s life can be measured by much, but for me it is this, men and children. The ones I’ve had and the ones I’ve lost.” Small pieces of cloth are sewn together to create intricate quilts and in LIFE REMNANTS, simple fragments of existence connect lives. Regrets involving sex, family, and unforgettable loss reveal that for some, true human connection is impossible, and even terrifying.

I'm not sure what this is but it's not a hook.
See the post what you need in a hook and revise.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Blah blah blah. Quilting and female navel-gazing.

I like the last line, but nothing in the rest of it interested me.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I can see measuring by children, but, men? As a man, I'd feel way too much pressure if I read something like that. Besides, most women don't use the man as a measure, but rather the accomplishments, status, wealth, and his image. If it's one of those specific things, it might help to bring that out in the hook.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a paragraph from a press release.

Writerious said...

Recently there was a new person on one of the writer's boards I look at who wanted help with writing a query and was trying to describe the theme of the book. She said she'd been to a writer's conference where she was told that the query shouldn't describe specifics of the plot, but should discuss the overall theme.

I wonder if that's where queries like this come from.

Anonymous said...

"Regrets involving sex..."

Was there gin involved?

Ryan Field said...

While this isn't a hook there's something happening...as though a really intense story is screaming to get out. But this is reading between the lines and we shouldn't have to do that with a hook. What you're trying to accomplish should be clear.

Books that go to the dark side, without skimping, are always the best, and don't come around very often (most don't have the courage to go there). I can't help but wonder what might happen if you began a hook with the last sentence of what you submitted.

I'm curious to see how many other comments you get here; if you don't get many don't take it personally.

And I almost wish you'd made the mistake of submitting something that resembled a first page as a hook; just to see how you write.

BernardL said...

The male audience (and yea, I'll speak on behalf of my brethren) don't ever want to read we are about to become patches in some literary quilt. We hate quilts. :) I only jokingly point this out, because a quilt hook would most likely turn off the entire potential male readership. I'd buy a sensual Tooth Fairy book, but not one with a quilt hook; and come to think of it, any book with a blurb using the word 'Fey' in it. :)

Dave said...

If you are going to HOOK the reader, don't blunt the emotion of a sentence.
Fir Instance, your pull quote:
“A woman’s life can be measured by much, but for me it is this, men and children. The ones I’ve had and the ones I’ve lost.” reads like dull.
Try this:
“My life can be measured by men and children, the ones I’ve had and the ones I’ve lost.” See the difference, that little breathy space as you read takes the emotion away.

Even if your character has a particular voice that long and involved, the hook requires brevity and drama.

What you really wrote is an opening sentence.
My "Life is a quilt of remnants, fragments of children, of men loved and lost, sewn together with regret."

This establishes a sad and bleak tone and stage for your protagonist to speak from. Now name your character and state her conflict.

M. G. Tarquini said...

It's reminiscent of 'How to Make an American Quilt'. Which, from Miss Snark's excellent observation isn't a problem, but the author needs to delineate what makes her story different.

Anonymous said...

Call it Autobiography of a Crotch.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for all comments, even the snarky ones. I admit, I looked at Agent Query's hook examples, and decided use that style. After reading the previous 300 entries here, good and not-so-good, I realize there's not enough in my hook. The book is there, but I'll need to get an agent's attention if I want them to read it.

aries said...

I'm kind of surprised this didn't get MS's WTF???? award