12.22.2006

HH Com 311

Imagine that countless civilizations inhabit “our” Earth, strung out along the time stream like dew drops on a spider’s web. Each occupies their own thin slice of time, with the human race and the world as we know it sandwiched between the multitudes. This is the reality retired engineer Roy Washburn is able to explore after finding a small, unremarkable metal cylinder.

Faced with his wife’s terminal illness and a daughter who resents him for his workaholic and selfish nature, Roy must decide whether to use the cylinder to satisfy his own wants or to help his wife and daughter through their crises. Much to Roy’s surprise, the two goals are not mutually exclusive.


Ditch the brat and the wife, go surfing on Alpha Centauri!

This isn't a hook, it's an idea.

3 comments:

Dave said...

These sentences:
"Imagine that countless civilizations inhabit “our” Earth, strung out along the time stream like dew drops on a spider’s web. Each occupies their own thin slice of time, with the human race and the world as we know it sandwiched between the multitudes."

are a lyric, elegant description of what scientists call the Multiverse. It has no emotion or drama. It's just pretty and it sits there hoping the reader will ackowledge its prettiness. It's like Carl Sagan once said - Billions and billions of stars...

You need an opening sentence with drama, action and emotion.

Faced with his wife's terminal illness and his daughter's rebellion, Roy must decide whether to BUG OUT or save his family.

batgirl said...

If he can do both, then there isn't really any conflict.
Woo! my word ver is cmokkem - see 'em & mock 'em!

tomdg said...

Does this cylinder contain beer? I think you need to say a little more about it.