12.22.2006

HH Com 312

WITNESS is a fast-paced contemporary romantic suspense novel set in Isla Concha, a Florida beach town along the Gulf of Mexico. The story opens when an extreme sports model goes on the run after witnessing more than the murderer had in mind. Both the killer and the police chase after her, causing her to fight for both the truth... and her life.

Davis Hamilton is a divorced police detective, struggling to balance his career and his personal life. The high profile murder case couldn’t have come across his desk at a worse time--his partner is so pregnant she’s about to pop, and the sole witness is not only a suspect herself... she’s Laurel Summers, famous for surfing killer waves in equally killer designer bikinis, and known in his heart as the one who got away.

Laurel Summers decided the day Davis Hamilton dumped her for a society wife, that she didn’t need a man in order to Be Somebody. She lived up her daredevil career with glamorous international photo shoots until a family tragedy brought her back to her home town to face the past and re-think the future. Stumbling over a dead rap star wasn’t supposed to be part of that equation, and neither was running from a killer... right into the arms of the last man on earth she’d dare to trust.

This is a character sketch, not a hook.

You're going to need MUCH more complex characters and nuanced plot to get past the slush pile.

6 comments:

Brady Westwater said...

The 'extreme sports model' phrase threw me when I hit that. You can be an extreme sports participant, or a model who models extreme sports outfits - or even a model who also does extreme sports, but being a model is not an extreme sport. Also, surfing is not considered an extreme sport in that community, so either she should be a surfer or a surfer who also does extreme sports.

wavybrains said...

This hook format is similar to one that I've seen over and over at RWA conferences/talks--if you're targeting a category line (like Intrigue) or entering contests, etc--this might be the form you want to go with. This is why it's always a good idea to target your letters--look at samples that your target pub, editor, or contest has up--THEN decide how to change the hook.

BernardL said...

Ah, noire at it’s finest, with a possible upbeat ending. I’d be interested in where super surfer, and the detective are going, but then I’m a newbie on this hook reading business. I'd leave the first paragraph out though.

Zany Mom said...

I like this, too. While I think the hook needs a bit more work, I like the premise. Then again, I like killers and the like. ;)

Richard Lewis said...

This sounds like something Stuart Woods might write. He got through the slush...

aries said...

ITA with wavybrains. This hook would probably work for Harlequin or its ilk but it's a little problematic on it's own. Your hook starts with the second paragraph. I'd ditch the stuff about the partner (who cares?) and focus more on what's at stake for Laurel and Davis.