12.22.2006

HH Com 314 (313 is toast)

The faeries of the Oak have lost their magic, and live in constant dread of crows, humans, and the dangers of the modern world. But Bryony's boldness sets her apart from her sisters, and when the faery Queen chooses her to be the Oakenfolk's new Hunter, she quickly overcomes her fears and becomes a fierce and dauntless warrior.

Soon Bryony's search for a better weapon brings her into contact with the forbidden human realm in all its perilous beauty, and when she meets a young paraplegic man named Paul, she begins to question everything she has ever believed about humans, faeries, and her own restless heart. Driven by a growing awareness that her people are headed for extinction, she determines to find out the truth about the Oakenfolk's loss of magical power -- a quest which puts her career as a Hunter in jeopardy, tests her courage and resolve to their limits, and ultimately forces her to a painful choice between love and freedom that will change her life, and the lives of her people, forever.

KNIFE is a contemporary YA fantasy full of mystery, adventure and romance, with a fresh take on faeries that is neither cynical nor saccharine.

You're awash in description here but the plot seems a tad undeveloped. The faeries have lost power? Call Con Ed, they'll fix you up. Obvious joke aside, you see you need to explain more about how she's going to tackle the problem and what her dilemma is. What's the down side of success?

7 comments:

Inkwolf said...

I can't help wondering...if the fairies have lost their magic, and all of them live in an oak tree, they've got to be pretty tiny. So how exactly does she meet this Paul and develop a romance with him?

Without knowing more, this still sounds like a sort of interesting book.

R.J. Anderson said...

Yep, inkwolf, that's dealt with in the course of the novel -- I just didn't want to include too many details in my hook. However, it's obvious that I need to clarify a few things so that the plot sounds solid instead of sketchy. Thank you, Miss Snark!

Thanks for the comments, inkwolf -- and if any other Snarklings who wish to put in their two groats, I'd be delighted to hear any criticisms you have to offer.

~Nancy said...

This is something I'd possibly read.

In the last paragraph, I think I'd lose the phrase starting with the word "with." I think it's better to let the agent decide those things.

Something else: If they've lost their magic, how are they able to enter the human realm without using some sort of magic? Not being flippant here, just wondering.

Good luck.

~JerseyGirl

Ski said...

I'm not qualified to speak as an agent, because I don't do this for a living. And - I know this whole exercise is about what makes something a "hook." In spite of that I like this premise as much as any other SF premise.

However, reading every word that Miss Snark has posted during this "event," I am starting to suspect that what interests me is not the point. The point is - what interests an agent, (someone who is in the business.)

All of us get one chance with each agent. One of those agents is trying her best to give all of us examples of what will increase those odds, without shutting the door on creativity. Miss Snark, the light has finally gone off over my head. I just hope I can keep it burning.

Regards.........Ski

Inkwolf said...

Ski--yes, what will interest an agent is the point, but I'm sure that the authors here are all more than happy to know if other writers think their story sounds interesting, and if readers think it sounds like something they'd want to read. :)

Writerious said...

Kudos to you for braving the Crapometer, R.J. Nice to see yet another SCBWI person here.

phsymom said...

As a reader only, this sounded interesting and would probably be something I would pick up. Most likely not only for myself, but to pass around through my many teenage nieces also.