HH Com 331

Trevor Wilson was not sure how he should feel. It was his first death, obviously, and he had never thought much about dying. He felt great, at least--no longer hungry or thirsty, and not at all tired from the long journey through the forest. However, the idea that death might revoke his nightmare and shuttle him back home had been dashed, and that was depressing. He was going to have to find a way to sustain himself in this alternate world for a little longer, potentially forever.

How did he die, you ask? A hairy forest boar killed him, of course, but the tainted red squashberries had made him very groggy, so it wasn’t a fair fight, and I wouldn’t want you to hold that against young Trevor so early in the story. Yes, perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s not often that destiny calls, and when it does...well, that’s a tale that deserves a complete recounting--I must allow you to devour every single tidbit.

Exactly one month to the day before his fifteenth birthday, Trevor Wilson was sleeping soundly, blissfully unaware that once he awoke he would embark on a remarkable, adventure-filled journey, one that would influence his mind and body in nearly every way imaginable. As each breath went in and out, as his stomach rose and settled, and as his feet twitched under the covers, he came closer and closer to the awakening.

It would be the longest day of his life.

Well I'm not sure what this is but it's not a hook for all the usual reasons.


cm allison said...

But there is something there, I catch the definate whiff of "I think I'd pick this up". I wish I'd gotten more hint, I'd like to see what you do with this premise.

Anonymous said...

I liked the first paragraph. Then you said "I hear you ask" and it all went downhill from there. I think you've got an interesting story and I'd probably read it, but there are some things that need improving.

Anonymous said...

Maybe next crapometer...I mistakenly thought that a beginning of the book 'hook' was acceptable for this round--rest assured that given a true hook (i.e. query) you would find the premise much more interesting than the standard 'drop the human boy in the fantasy world' theme. Thanks for the nice comment, though.