HH Com 345 (344 is lost in the woods)

Appetite For Beauty is a 55,000-word Young Adult novel about an "it" girl’s tragic battle with bulimia, told from the view of her younger sister.

Loann Rochester is living in the shadow of her sister. Claire is an accomplished ballerina, beauty queen, and cheerleader. Loann is Claire’s self-critical younger sibling, a loveable loser, whose attempts to emulate Claire include altering her appearance, changing her friends, and seeking a sexual encounter with Claire’s boyfriend.

By accident, Loann discovers a natural talent for photography. Through her camera lens, she finds some unexpected truths from the world around her. Her dad’s a womanizing workaholic, her mom, in her effort to keep up with appearances, is losing touch with reality, and her sister, Claire, is being overtaken by a severe eating disorder.

Loann befriends Marcus, a loner at school struggling with his sexuality, and he becomes her silent strength. Loann convinces Claire to fight for her life, but her heart is too weak for the struggle. It is only after Claire completely succumbs to her illness, that Loann’s own strength and normalcy unfolds.

You've got too many people in this very crowded paragraph. Her parents are out of touch-doesn't matter why. She discovers photography...and how does the photography relate to discovering things?

And ditch allmention of Marcus. Follow the template and figure out what this story is about.
I think bulimia/anorexia/eating disorders have been done to death as well. Unless you have something new and fresh to say about it you're not going to hook me with that topic.


Anonymous said...

I think that the rivalry of siblings is a good theme, and has many possibilities. The photography part actualy sounded interesting to me. But Miss Snark is right, too many people. A pity.
Good luck!

skybluepinkrose said...

I agree that eating disorders are way overdone. But this is Loann's story, not Claire's, which may save it. You ID'd your book as a "bulimia" novel with your first paragraph, but you can avoid that label if you dig into Loann and how photography helps her picture the world around her. The book doesn't have to be "about" bulimia any more than it's about womanizing or workaholism.

aries said...

I thought the hook itself was okay but the problem lies with the story itself. Unless the writing is outstanding and brings fresh insights, I don't see how this story is going to differentiate itself from any other generic YA in the marketplace. And it doesn't help that the author has every YA cliche in the book (gay sidekick, clueless parents, perfect older sibling).