12.22.2006

HH Com 347

Benny Jack was a media darling. As an FBI agent, he was above extraordinary. Benny’s separation from Virginia’s elite made his fall even harder. When he disappeared and attempted retirement at age 48, the result was a houseboat’s evolution into the headquarters for Jack’s Investigations.

In a bathroom three miles east of the Sleepy Cove Marina in which his boat floats, a delivery driver discovers a crucified body. Unable to remain eternally anonymous, months earlier Benny befriended the local police who called Benny before the town sheriff. Arriving on the scene, he finds the body ornamented with a half-crown of thorns and a dead bird at its feet and is instantly thrust back onto the national scene.

The murders that follow yield further winged deaths. Benny and his partner Billy D. find a grand piano’s belly spilling with more dead feathery fellows. The victim at the second scene has one hand glued to the keys of a piano and a tambourine stitched into the palm of the other. The chase of the minds is on!

A trilateral attack of characters seizes the center of the novel Birdsongs. Archenemies reunite for some well-overdue revenge and a lad named Red brings the monkey wrench. Raised by deaf-mute parents, Red speaks with the precision of a three-year-old who lingually prefers the third person. Red holds an odd connection and a fowl clue.

Tilley, a town that once yawned, awakens to the mind-crushing reality that a killer flies among them. Benny Jack is back.


Dear dog.

This isn't a hook. This is a mess.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll say it, WTF?????

I Said said...

Well, there's an interesting murder plot, a great cast of characters, but...

I wonder about the writing ability if this hook, synopsis, query, whatever, is so poorly presented. It's possible that the author hit the deadline by about three minutes on this Crapometer and had a carefully planned out,complex story to put into just a few words. Or not.

Writerious said...

Benny Jack? I kept picturing Jack Benny wandering through these scenes, scratching on his violin and shouting for Rochester.

And then Billy Jack leaped in and it was all over.

rudynostalgia said...

I don't care if it's a mess. This is a "Rats In The Cellar" must read. In literature there are a handful of masterpieces and an equal paucity of "It Was A Dark And Stormy Night" classics. This book could live on in our memories like a Philadelphia weekend.

Anonymous said...

Never mind the whole Jack Benny snafu, you've got two major characters named Benny and Billy.

Get a phone book discover that there ARE different initials available for naming characters, then read and Donald Westlake and John D. MacDonald to see how to do this right.

trenchgold said...

Does anyone know how to remove a stiletto heel from my heart.

I actually worked on this for a month and a half - not 3 minutes.

I failed to mention the killer and the other character involved in the killing game.

I was worried about the names as well, but now I know.

Thanks for the input.

trenchgold said...

The 6 stages of being snarked-

1. I wanted to strangle you.
2. I wanted to strangle myself.
3. Sadness.
4. A deeper gloom.
5. Retrospective laughter.
6. A commitment to excellence.

Anonymous said...

I actually know a girl with two deaf parents and she speaks just fine.

If Red was extremely sheltered while growing up, or abused, or raised in the basement, you probably ought to either say so or leave out his weird speech habits.

Anonymous said...

Good response, trenchgold. Acknowledge the hurt, then find the help within. Hang in there, it sounds like you have a good premise but need to edit your hook.

Anonymous said...

I grinned at "more dead feathery fellows", and that's saying a lot--I haven't smiled at much in the COM.

I love mysteries, so I might read it, but... Benny Jack? It's just too conspicuous and distracting. I love weird names as much as anyone, and I'm sure you've got great jokes about the name, but it comes out as Jack Benny in my head every time.

Oh, and I agree on the stages.