HH Com 351

In PARADISE BLUES, a 65,000-word mystery novel, (your hook starts here) Wes Darling is faced with a dilemma. His family has been in the detective business almost as long as the Pinkertons, and his manipulative mother is grooming him to carry on the family tradition. So what’s the problem? Wes hates the business and has decided this will be his final case.

It was supposed to be a simple assignment. Fly to Key West, locate a girl, let his client know where to find her, and fly home. But things don’t always go as planned in paradise, especially when you take a reluctant detective, a six-foot-tall redheaded stripper named Destiny, a couple of hit men who think they’re stuck in the thirties, and a phobic psychic named Elvis and throw them together on a small island. When you toss in a fortune in diamonds, a couple of bodies, and the local characters that inhabit Key West, you get a raging case of PARADISE BLUES.

This isn't a hook; it's a premise and list of characters. This says knock off Carl Hiassen to me. Come up with a way to make me belive what you've got is fresh turn on a very very very overused motif.


Anonymous said...

I'd read it. The writing would tell me if it was a knock-off of Carl Hiaason or knock-off of David Barry knocking-of Carl Hiaason.

BernardL said...

Yea, it's pulp, and I'm sorry we're not getting a few pages to see for ourselves. I thought the hook had form and good writing; which supposedly transcends 'old story' reservations by the Snark. I hope you send it out anyway, author. It seems like a good hook.

aries said...

If the author elaborated a little more on what's at stake, like how the diamonds, bodies, and local characters affect Wes, the hook might be more successful. Only if you're Carl Hiassen could someone get away with a hook as skimpy as this.

Anonymous said...

I agree--I liked this writing a lot more than many that passed the "hook" test, and I thought it was a good couple of paragraphs to put in a query letter.

Tweak it and try, because this sounds like fun. Bet you're a fan of Westlake and Hiassen and Lawrence Sanders' McNally series (as am I).

First time saying this: I'd buy it.