In PARADISE BLUES, a 65,000-word mystery novel, (your hook starts here) Wes Darling is faced with a dilemma. His family has been in the detective business almost as long as the Pinkertons, and his manipulative mother is grooming him to carry on the family tradition. So whats the problem? Wes hates the business and has decided this will be his final case.
It was supposed to be a simple assignment. Fly to Key West, locate a girl, let his client know where to find her, and fly home. But things dont always go as planned in paradise, especially when you take a reluctant detective, a six-foot-tall redheaded stripper named Destiny, a couple of hit men who think theyre stuck in the thirties, and a phobic psychic named Elvis and throw them together on a small island. When you toss in a fortune in diamonds, a couple of bodies, and the local characters that inhabit Key West, you get a raging case of PARADISE BLUES.
This isn't a hook; it's a premise and list of characters. This says knock off Carl Hiassen to me. Come up with a way to make me belive what you've got is fresh turn on a very very very overused motif.