12.22.2006

HH Com 354

Is ‘blood is thicker than water’ a truism or a cliché? Josie Braithwaite is forced to face this issue in my novel, Daddy’s Girls. An African-America urban professional living in Washington, DC, Josie has a career that is unfulfilling. She caught her soon-to-be ex-husband with another woman. Now her father, Joey B., has died.

At Joey’s funeral Josie sees an unknown yet familiar-looking young woman, and wonders who she is. Josie discusses her concerns with her sister, Sherri. Sherri already knows who the woman is but lies to Josie. Joey told Sherri about his illegitimate daughter, Deborah, before he died. Sherri contacts and meets with Deborah also without telling Josie.

When Josie reads her father’s will she learns of Deborah’s existence, Sherri’s betrayal and the modest inheritance that is to be shared by all three. Angry with Sherri’s deception and subsequent maneuvers; hurt by her father’s (and husband’s) infidelity, Josie must decide how many sisters she wants and needs and whether Joey’s legacy is more than financial.



Your story starts when she discovers the sister, no matter how far into the book that is. That's the compelling incident. You'll need to make Deborah a more major part of the hook too.

3 comments:

bbj said...

a "truism" and a "cliche" are pretty much the same thing.

aries said...

I liked this hook and would want to read more. I especially liked the last line of the hook which neatly summarizes all of the dilemmas Josie faces. But I'm confused as to why Deborah would need a bigger part since it appears (at least to me) that she's more of a foil for Josie than a major character.

Anonymous said...

At Joey’s funeral Josie sees an unknown yet familiar-looking young woman, and wonders who she is. Josie discusses her concerns with her sister, Sherri. Sherri already knows who the woman is but lies to Josie. Joey told Sherri about his illegitimate daughter, Deborah, before he died. Sherri contacts and meets with Deborah also without telling Josie.
I didn't think it was bad except that this paragraph read like a teen's book report to me—a rather dry and clumsy recitation of events. The style of writing seemed different in the other two paragraphs.