Whispers and murmurs of the previous afternoon's gossip were spreading quickly. No one had ever heard of Countess Fraser, who was claiming to be the youngest granddaughter of the 3rd Duke of Devonshire. Since her arrival the rains had not ceased. Thunder and lightening roared through the night of the last of London's Spring Balls. Trumpets blared as the last guests of the evening arrived. The clock struck half past the second hand. Silence fell as Elizabeth Spencer, Countess of Fraser, descended the stairs in the arms of Duke Alderman's. The women gasped at the dark blue low-cut bodice, while the men could only find themselves staring at the Countess' cleavage. Many a men found an elbow poked into their rib cage.
"Good evening, Lady Spencer. The Duchess and I are honored that you could make it after all that has happened since your arrival. I assure you that the unfortunate events of yesterday is not the norm in our society of London. May the rest of your journey be uneventful, yet full of promise in finding what you have come to seek."
"Rest assure, Lord Byron, I am not at all offended or discouraged by yesterday's theft. I am sure justice will be served when the wrongdoer is apprehended. Though I am truly disappointed that I will not have the pleasure of meeting Damien Van Horn. I had been informed that he is a man to fear, and a man with a fierce temper."
This isn't a hook. I think it might be the first page. It's also got some oddities like "many a men"; "the clock struck half past the second hand"??
And the dialogue...holy stilts Batman.