HH Com 371

Petra Paris, 29, is a professional diamond-hunter, a beautiful field geologist on a mission to collect drill core samples containing high grade rough diamonds. If she does not return from a remote diamond mine site in the Arctic within five days, her dad’s career will be ruined. The CEO of Excelsior Mining and Exploration had her father charged for fraudulently salting the mine’s preliminary drilling results. She suspects the CEO is trying to divert attention from his own criminal activities, but has no proof. What’s crystal clear is that someone is trying to stop her.

Seth Cooper, 32, is a police detective assigned to the Diamond Protection Unit. When a mine employee with a gut full of priceless pebbles dies trying to smuggle them out of the open pit mine site accessible only by air, Seth goes undercover as a charter company pilot to investigate.

Needing an excuse to infiltrate the mining camp and search for the smugglers at the source, he convinces Petra to allow him to pose as her boyfriend so he can overnight in the mine dormitory. No fool, she agrees; she needs all the protection she can get.

But Seth didn’t anticipate that Petra’s arrival at the mine would spook the smugglers, triggering events that lead to murder. When Petra refuses to leave the mine site without the drill cores necessary to absolve her father, Seth must identify the killers before she becomes the next victim.

This isn't a hook, it's a synopsis. Less is more. You've got too much detail and not enough of the antagonist at all.

Use the hook template to get the main ingrediants sorted out. Then start over.


Inkwolf said...

I may be totally wrong, but I did a bit of research into diamond mining some years ago for a story idea, and they have to grind through about a ton of rock per carat of diamond...so I'm skeptical they would find diamond mines by drilling core samples. Diamonds only occur in volcanic tubes (or where they've been carried elsewhere by erosion) and I'm also unsure of the existance of extinct arctic volcanoes.

If you've researched it and it's accurate and feasible, don't mind me. (In fact, contradict me right here, I'd love to be better informed.)

If you HAVEN'T researched it, it's vitally important that you start.

Inkwolf said...

Oh, and you might also want to check out the sort of security measures they typically have at diamond mines--fat chance of any worker getting out with a gut full of diamonds. You think nobody's ever thought of doing that? They routinely x-ray anyone leaving the mines.

Anonymous said...

There are three diamond mines in Canada's north with more to follow. You are correct that it is rare to find a microdiamond in a drill core, but there are indicator minerals (e.g. garnet) that indicate the presence. That being said, Eira Thomas, a geolgist, a Canadian heroine and a real diamond-hunter, did in fact discover a rough diamond in a drill core. Her discovery led to multi-billion dollar 138 million carat+ diamond mine in the sub-arctic.

As for how to get the diamonds past the screening, you would have to read my novel!

Inkwolf said...

In that case---sounds cool, and I'd like to read it! :D

Zany Mom said...

My sort of novel! I'd read this. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

See, This is a winner. . . a real HOT topic right now.

Keep writing!

Anonymous said...

do you realise they spent over a decade finding that first diamond-laden core in Canada'?