Petra Paris, 29, is a professional diamond-hunter, a beautiful field geologist on a mission to collect drill core samples containing high grade rough diamonds. If she does not return from a remote diamond mine site in the Arctic within five days, her dad’s career will be ruined. The CEO of Excelsior Mining and Exploration had her father charged for fraudulently salting the mine’s preliminary drilling results. She suspects the CEO is trying to divert attention from his own criminal activities, but has no proof. What’s crystal clear is that someone is trying to stop her.
Seth Cooper, 32, is a police detective assigned to the Diamond Protection Unit. When a mine employee with a gut full of priceless pebbles dies trying to smuggle them out of the open pit mine site accessible only by air, Seth goes undercover as a charter company pilot to investigate.
Needing an excuse to infiltrate the mining camp and search for the smugglers at the source, he convinces Petra to allow him to pose as her boyfriend so he can overnight in the mine dormitory. No fool, she agrees; she needs all the protection she can get.
But Seth didn’t anticipate that Petra’s arrival at the mine would spook the smugglers, triggering events that lead to murder. When Petra refuses to leave the mine site without the drill cores necessary to absolve her father, Seth must identify the killers before she becomes the next victim.
This isn't a hook, it's a synopsis. Less is more. You've got too much detail and not enough of the antagonist at all.
Use the hook template to get the main ingrediants sorted out. Then start over.