12.23.2006

HH Com 374

For half-a-decade, Dost Mohammed has kept a secret buried in his heart, about a sin he committed in 1947, when tribesmen from the Northwest Frontier Province lay siege to Kashmir, a beautiful valley sandwiched between India and Pakistan. Almost sixty years later, his grandson gets a chance to redeem that sin. Will he become the 'last man' from Kashmir, in fulfillment of a 1947 prophesy? The Last Man From Kashmir is an intriguing tale of love, jealousy and hatred that spans three generations.

this isn't a hook, it's a short description.

Half a decade is five years, making Dost Mohammed's time frame 1952. You probably mean half a century -50 years. And I know where Kashmir is, and even if I didn't you don't need to tell me in a hook.

Start over.

4 comments:

shannon said...

I like the title, but what does it refer to?

I'm in total agreement with Snark here. The time frame is inconsistent, and I was thrown by the mention of a prophecy. (I've missed something somewhere - since when does the dictionary spell it with an "s"? Yep, I checked out of curiosity. Is this one of those American spelling quirks?)

Focus on the grandson. We don't even know his name. Why does he care? What is the "sin"? What does he have to do? Does he go to Kasmir too?

"spans three generations" - ok, but you've only mentioned grandfather and grandson. Who's the person in the middle and how do they figure into the story? If they're not important, the "spans three generations" bit is misleading.

But did I mention that I love the title?

Anonymous said...

There's just not enough here, author. I wanna know what the sin was, and how the grandson can redeem it. And a little about the trouble he faces in doing so.

shelby said...

Is the prophecy something you made up? If not, I find it interesting that you would tell us where Kashmir is--which most intelligent people know--but none about the prophecy, which I would assume only a few people know.

More specifics would help. My first thought was that this was similar to The Kite Runner or that he's commited murder.

Good luck with this one.

shelby said...

Is the prophecy something you made up? If not, I find it interesting that you would tell us where Kashmir is--which most intelligent people know--but none about the prophecy, which I would assume only a few people know.

More specifics would help. My first thought was that this was similar to The Kite Runner or that he's commited murder.

Good luck with this one.