12.16.2006

HH Com 38

Doctor Egglometus, Evil Overlord
Children's fiction

Every last lemon bar and cupcake in the Harried Hills Elementary School bake sale has been tainted with salmonella and fifth-grader Doctor Egglometus knows who is behind it. His mad scientist mother and evil genius father have plotted to sicken the school and incite chaos, but Doc is prepared to thwart their plans... again. After sabotaging the poisoning, Doc is pulled from public school and hastily enrolled in The Krove School for Villainy -- a private academy for children with a penchant for mayhem.

As the new kid in a school full of supervillains, Doc has his hands full of every type of mischief; from teenage masterminds monologuing their way through the halls to nefarious co-eds using blackmail to get dates for the Fall Ball. On top of everything, Doc's older brother is racking up disasters -- from an E. coli outbreak to a string of delayed airline flights -- all while incarcerated in a federal penitentiary. Doc is expected to follow in his brothers footsteps and bring the Egglometus legacy into the twenty-first century with even more spectacular calamities, but he'll settle for derailing this year's school project; a power failure across the entire continental United States.


Miss Snark is a proud graduate of this academy but she's not mentioning which year.
This is a winner.

62 comments:

M. G. Tarquini said...

Forget the kiddies. I want to read this one.

Crankynick said...

I'd buy this, if I read this hook on the back of the cover.

Anonymous said...

This was awesome!

Anonymous said...

I think i get it... do I get it? Damn.... I think I do...

Anonymous said...

Oh! This looks like such fun! I have a friend who used to work in childrens bookselling and as a result I read unbelievable amounts of free YA and kid lit.

This looks good and even the style of the hook flows. I'd BUY this. Maybe read the first page or two, first, but probably just put real money over the counter for it.

srchamberlain said...

I'd read this in a heartbeat and I'm 24 years old.

Crystal Charee said...

Definitely. I want to read it right now.

Anonymous said...

I hope whoever sent this seeks professional representation. I want to read this book!

Rashenbo said...

This sounds great! I'd more than likely pick this up for my daughter. I'd want to see this author's first page! :)

Anonymous said...

Love the hook. But I can't imagine anyone, not even supervillains, naming their kid "Doctor."

Rei said...

Clever. The next Harry Potter? :) My love of shows like The Tick and The Venture Brothers makes it impossible for me to not like a plot that deconstructs comic book tropes.

Dave said...

This is just so outrageous that it is FUN!
And the hook works. It's not perfect, but it still works. You're punctuation sucks.
If it makes it to print, let us know.

RolloverSucka said...

Very fun. I'd have fun reading this to my kids.

CM said...

"You're punctuation sucks."

Oh, the irony.

ello said...

I guessed it was a winner as soon as I read the first paragraph. I think it is really inventive and fun. I can't wait to see how the first page is.

chimeralife said...

This has to be the suprise hit of the COM so far. Absolutely love your premise. Wish I had your imagination.

Congratulations! Can't wait to read your pages.

Elektra said...

It's like Harry Potter meets Artemis Fowl. I'd definitely read this one.

Bill Peschel said...

So it's crossing the "Series of Unfortunate Events" feel with Harry Potter.

Manipulative.

Derivitive.

Coattail riding.

I still snorted at "from teenage masterminds monologuing their way through the halls".

Does that make me a bad person?

katiesandwich said...

Rei and I have the same television viewing schedule.

This book sounds too awesome!

HawkOwl said...

Harry Potter meets Austin Powers. No.

Anonymous said...

I'm 47, have two 11 y.o's at home who are so into superheroes and such. We watch Kim Possible on TV, and I love that show. I watch Teen Titans with them, too.

And I'd buy this book in a heartbeat for them. I hope it is as good as it sounds!!!

Anonymous said...

I guess I am just a nitwit because I don't see this as a seller.

Anonymous said...

this one is awesome! i want to read the book! (i love things that mess around with superhero tropes.) hee.

Anonymous said...

"Doctor Egglometus" Doesn't sound child like, ya dig? The wigs in them fancy chairs would get runned over by them priestly robes if they were to publish a childrens book containing the word "Egglometus."

chris said...

I especially liked the "Krove" as the name of the school for the little nasty things. Embedded subtext for adults, maybe?

Xiqay said...

As for a first name of doctor-I can believe it. I know a child named "Bishop."

I got hung up in the query. Doctor is in elementary school, changes schools (but presumably not grades) and then there's talk of co-eds and dances. So I'm guessing the school for villains goes up to high school, which is why his older brother is there, etc. But this detail made me wonder where I was and how old the main character is.

Generally, fun and light-hearted. Much appreciated in juvenile fiction.

Michele Lee said...

I'm reading these backwards, but this is the first winner in my book. Where do I send my $6.99?

Anonymous said...

Does anyone here subscribe to the notion of Tabula Rasa?

If this kid was raised around evil all his life, he'd see evil as a norm and have no problem joining the fold. Look at the Hitler Youth.

What made him the black sheep of the family that he has to do good even if that means going against his family?

There should probably be touched upon somewhat in the narrative.

Anonymous said...

I'll buy this one for my kid as soon as it hits the Scholastic order sheets at school.

M. Takhallus. said...

Think series. Have two more outlines ready when you submit your first. A good gimmick is a "series bible." Tricks editors into believing you've thought it all through. (You know, by forcing you to think it all through.)

This is classic Scholastic, and they're looking. Also Harper, a few others. This concept won't go 40 books but I'll bet it could run 12.

Shouga Tea said...

Seriously. If this doesn't end up somewhere my fingers can be on it, I'm going to be sorely disappointed in humanity in general.

Anonymous said...

Dave said: You're punctuation sucks.

Ummmm...Dave? Do I really need to say anything about that comment? Take a closer look.

Anonymous said...

Uh, maybe I'm the only one, but the last sentence completely lost me. He's part of a family that thrives on creating mayhem. Got it. He's the good guy that thwarts their plans. Got it.

Doc is expected to follow in his brothers footsteps and bring the Egglometus legacy into the twenty-first century with even more spectacular calamities, but he'll settle for derailing this year's school project; a power failure across the entire continental United States.

So if he's expected to continue the legacy, why does he "settle" for derailing the lastest scheme?
That word seems out of place, and it's a very important word in a very important sentence. What gives?

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who doesn't want to read a book where the hero is a villain?

December Quinn said...

I didn't even have to finish reading the hook--I wanted pages by the second line.

The rest just confirmed it.

Erin said...

Depending on the age group you're targeting, I think some of the words used in the hook are too complicated for young audiences (e.g. penchant, monologuing, inciting, penitentiary). Personally I'd go with a simpler synonym that achieves the same thing.

Kristi said...

I happen to loooove big words in children's books. They add a level of sophistication to fun stories. Kate Dicamillo uses an extensive vocabulary with her stories, and it works really well for her.

Please don't drop your big words.

Maureen McGowan said...

What a great idea to turn all those superhero school books/movies which have become cliche, on their ears. Congrats on a great premise.

desert snarkling said...

This is fabulous! Well written and a fun story both. I'd totally read it!

desert snarkling said...

teenage masterminds monologuing their way through the halls

Also, this made me laugh!

Anonymous said...

Liked it. Would read it. Good job.

LadyBronco said...

I can sooo see this on Saturday morning cartoons, or on Cartoon Network as well as a series of books. I can't wait to buy this for my boys when it finally gets printed!

AnnonaMiss said...

This is absolutely fantastic. This is the best query I've seen here so far. I love your use of strong verbs, like "teenage masterminds monologuing their way through the halls". I like the big words; they worked for "A Series of Unfortunate Events", didn't they? I had no problem with the word "Settle." I absolutely want to read this books.

Anonymous said...

I also see no problem in using larger words. Kids are much smarter than people give them credit for.

Mtanz said...

I LOVE this hook. I'd drop what I was currently reading to pick this one up! Funny, funny, funny! Great job.

Martha O'Connor said...

This book sounds excellent! I'd buy it for my kids. Movie possibilities too--think "Sky High" with a dark twist.

Joshilyn Jackson said...

This book sounds SUPER! My son eats books like this up in one sitting and then rereads until they are in tatters.
The writing in the hook itself is both smart and an easy pleasure to read. BRAVO!

Anonymous said...

I went to school with a guy who said he was going to name his kids "Senator" and "President" because it would command them instant respect.

...you're not him, are you?

Anonymous said...

I loved this premise but had a nagging feeling that I'd seen a similar story before.

A quick perusal of my local Borders told me I was right. HIVE by Mark Walden looks at an evil villain mastermind school, albeit with a protagonist set on acing his classes rather than being good.

The author's got a great hook, but the story had better have zing if it's going to stand out from it. As it is, it reads too much like Artemis Fowl meets Harry Potter.

Britbeat

Anonymous said...

Salmonella and E. Coli as two separate plot points= double yuk.

Sounds derivative, but I suppose all these "calamities" will be cute and PG 13...

skybluepinkrose said...

Don't apologize for being an adult and wanting to read this. Children's and YA novels are the best stories going.

Virginia Miss said...

I predict megasales.
Congrats, author!

Denever said...

"Am I the only one who doesn't want to read a book where the hero is a villain?"

Nope. But then I also dislike the premises of the Dexter and Hannibal books, and yet a lot of people (who probably have no experience with violent criminals) are swooning over both of them. Yeah, they're fantasies, but they say a lot about the people who enjoy them.

Anonymous said...

Cool. This looks a little bit like Soon I Will Be Invincible, which is coming this the summer. It's more literary fiction, but it's a supervillain's POV, same comic sensibility.

Anonymous said...

I'd buy this for my kids. But they would have to wait until I finished it first.

I Said said...

What I've noticed in the "winning" hooks--and not just by Miss Snark's opinion but by those of the commenters as well--is that voice and writing style comes through loud and clear, even in a brief hook. Punctuation and grammar are important, but they can be fixed easily enough. Creativity and voice trumps all and gives any of the 7 or 37 main plots that freshness an agent is seeking.

Anonymous said...

The hero is not a villain; that's the whole point. He's a good kid who is supposed to be a villain, but isn't...

Anonymous said...

"Am I the only one who doesn't want to read a book where the hero is a villain?"

But the hero ISN'T a villain. Read the hook again.

Sariah S. Wilson said...

I'd buy this. Great premise.

Anonymous said...

been done... Harry Potter, meet Doctor House!

Haste yee back

Anonymous said...

Someone wrote:
"Love the hook. But I can't imagine anyone, not even supervillains, naming their kid "Doctor."

Please! "Doctor" is probably the "Joshua" of the supervillain realm. In villian school, it's not every Tom, Dick, or Harry. It's every Doctor, Mister, or The.

This is a fantastic premise and great hook. Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

I really want to read this one.