12.23.2006

HH Com 382

Newly licensed Private Investigator Rod Nobel is obsessed with the truth. Accepting a case to find a lawyer’s client, the truth is, the client doesn’t exist. Charlotte McNabb is running for her life, the truth is, she doesn’t know who’s chasing her or why. Emerged into the world of intellectual property crime, the truth is, when big money is involved, intimidation, kidnapping, and murder are not out of the question. From Portland to the Oregon coast, through deception and lies, Nobel searches for the truth with little to fine, even in his own home. ‘Heart of Lies’ is a ninety thousand word novel.

WTF????

11 comments:

Zany Mom said...

This is my kind of novel (PIs, people in hiding, searching for the truth). Problem is, I'm confused by this.

"The truth is" is repetitive and distracting.

Anonymous said...

Well, "The truth is", I couldn't follow this with a flashlight.

Anonymous said...

"From Portland to the Oregon Coast"? That's about an hour and a half by car. I'm not impressed.

Anonymous said...

I think the best parts of this are still in your head. You've learned much from the CoM, no doubt. Rework this so we can see what's going on.

I said SEE what's going on.

good luck.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a really good story that I would read. What you have done is pretty good too. I would just like to see a little more.

Good Luck.
Keep writing!

Michele said...

I think it might help to stick with simple, direct sentences.

Also, I suspect that where you are writing "the truth is," you mean "but." For example: Charlotte McNabb is running for her life, but she doesn’t know who’s chasing her or why.

jamiehall said...

I'm having trouble connecting any of the sentences to each other. Your framing device ("the truth is") just isn't working.

cm allison said...

I also got lost and distracted by at the "the truth is", by the end, one more "truth" put me off. Try using another connect instead. The book might be very interesting, but I'd be afraid of too much repetition in the writting to pick it up from your hook

randomsome1 said...

This made the editor in me screech in abject terror and run in the other direction. I almost even tripped over my pile of beer cans. I would try to fix the sentences here--but for now, I refuse to emerge from my hiding spot.

Anonymous said...

Your grammar, the truth is, makes no sense.

Anonymous said...

Horrific punctuation. MS says she doesn't care because she can fix it, but the truth is that grammar and punctuation are key to a writer's meaning.

This entry proves it.

--Another editor