12.23.2006

HH Com 393

In the Shadow of the Mountain is a young adult science fiction novel.

The Kalegi are a dying race, on the verge of being obliterated by their own land. Only one village survives. Refugees from the volcanic eruption that destroyed the Kalegi city took shelter among a religious sect that abandoned the city, believing its technology offended the gods of the volcano.

Imeg's parents are the children of refugees. They've earned a respected place for themselves in the village, despite holding on to many of the old ways. Coming of age, Imeg struggles to do the same, unaware of the history and political undercurrents that complicate his task. Then signs appear that the mountain will soon erupt again, and Imeg must persuade the villagers to save themselves as the village priest blames his family for angering the gods.

Centuries later, almost all trace of the Kalegi is gone. Maelene, a fourteen-year-old human raised in space, is stranded in a mining colony at the base of the same volcano when her parents die. She stumbles, quite literally, onto Imeg's story, preserved through the years. Distracted by grief, overprotective foster parents, culture shock, and the effects of her encounter with the alien recording technology, Maelene must find her own place before she can understand that Imeg's warning still applies in her time.


The volcano is going to erupt again?
Gosh, didn't see that one coming.

You're awash in generalities here.
And how are you going to deal with the segue between the first and second story? Which is the main one? Are they equal. Neither seems very vivid right now.

4 comments:

skybluepinkrose said...

Sounds like Maelene is the MC. You need to start the hook with her.

Anonymous said...

The machine is the hook. Everything else is scenery. Alien worlds and artifacts are getting too commonplace to get anyone excited any more. You're going to have to reveal the nature of the machine, and it needs to be something really cool. Then, and only then, will the rest of it be compelling IMO.

writtenwyrdd said...

Okay, the tandem stories can work. But I am not sure what the ancient history brings to the human girl's experience.

I am not sure what your real story is. Does the alien's story act as counterpoint to the human's growing understanding of something you haven't told us about? Coping with her parents' death? Survival?

I understand that there is drama in dying races and dead parents, but what is the drama to the story?

jamiehall said...

These two-part stories are very difficult to convey in hooks. Right now, each is fleshed out separately, but the connection between them seems slight. You need to make one front and center, and relate the other as a subplot.