12.23.2006

HH Com 398

Stella McKinney reached for the double-chocolate ice cream cone that the sour-faced kid handed over the counter. But instead of enjoying the anticipated treat, in the next instant she is thrown into a double-dose of murder. And her choice in dessert marks her as the number one suspect.

With nothing but her driver’s license, a few coins left in the bottom of her purse and a stolen car, Stella escapes the scene of the crime. Her survival is not only threatened by the authorities, but by a seemingly invisible and persistent evil presence. With no other choice, she seeks protection in a place where no one should be trusted. There, she hopes she’s found an unexpected ally. But her freedom rides on her ability to convince the world that she’s innocent.


Unfortunately, she’s got to convince herself first.


You need some specifics. This is a description of your idea.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a strange hook. I liked the feel of it when you were at the point that she had a few coins in her purse, but after that it got too vague. You'll have to be more specific in your query letter. But I like the "get by on your wits" books.

writtenwyrdd said...

I read the first paragraph and didn't see anything to grab my interest. You need to give us something a bit more than a visual of her getting ice cream from a sour-faced kid. That has nothing to do with the murder, I assume. I also don't need to know what's in her pockets.

If she doesn't know she's innocent, that's an interesting hook. Maybe start with that. You could say something like "Stella thought she was innocent of murder. Probably. If not for the chocolate ice cream mix up that gave her brain freeze and amnesia..." (Yes, that's pathetic, but that's all I could think of on short notice.)

CM said...

I like the idea that someone's choice in dessert would make them a killer, but "chocolate ice cream" hardly seems like it would set anyone apart. I mean, who (aside from me) doesn't like chocolate ice cream? If it were something a little more out of the way--a fudge-and black-cherry sundae, hold the nuts, with pickles--I'd believe it.

dustywriter said...

I suppose the hook did need more flesh on its bones, but it still intrigued me.

What's in a Name said...

I read Stella McKinney, but immediately hear Stella McCartney, Paul McCartney's daughter.

Michele said...

I loved the opening, but after she drives away, it's all too general. What's the place where she seeks protection? Who might be her ally?

Author said...

Thanks everybody -- your input is appreciated, and I hope all who submitted are learning as much as I feel I already have.

Thank you Miss Snark for this amazing tool. I hope your holidays are wonderful and that 2007 brings you the next Laura Lippman.